The Flower of Separation

Chapter 98 - Lucas Feelings

'So the Empress learned about it too.'

Lucas didn't say a word. There was no need for him too.

'Of course I already knew.'

The first time he learned the news regarding Lillian having a fiance was during the start. It was shortly after they returned to the Ageha family manor.

'I quickly realized just how terrible that place was, and what it was doing to her.' It was easy to see what kind of situation she was in. Despite her high position in the family, she still couldn't break into the top three. 

However that didn't take long. She stablised he mana, slayed that dragon. The head of the family started to treat her differently from that point.

'I remember wanting to congratulate her.' 

But on his way to find her he overheard the servants talking.

'*It is a shame she is finally achieving all of this, when he is no longer around.'*

*'Right, right now she actually has the status to be his fiance.'*

Despite the vague conversation Lucas immediately understood. Lillian's fiance was a famous guy, they didn't think she deserved him.

He wondered then if that was the reason she worked so hard. Was it to obtain status and glory so she could proudly stand beside her fiance?

He stayed by her side for so long, and yet he did not get a glimpse of that fiance. He figured from the maid's conversations that the guy was gone temporarily. But then ten years passed.

As time went by even those maids stopped talking about him. He too stopped focusing on the issue.

'I only remembered the bastard during the time Lillian's life was in danger.'

How could he leave his mana mark on her and not be there for her when she needs him? Leaving a mana mark on a person is a serious commitment. It means giving the other person your soul.

So it is something married couples tend to do. It surprised him when he was saving Lillian's life. 

'So she means this much to you, but where the hell are you now?'

After that incident, Lillian told him about the monastery incident. 'My fiance and brother went missing.' But, there was something strange about that story.

He tried not to think too deeply about it and focused his resentment on the bastard who left her.

But hearing the Empress talk about it now, his resolve has wavered.

"Sir Lucas?"

"I think the reason he went missing was Lillian." Lucas muttered. "I can't be too sure."

Zushi nodded. "There were loads of rumors regarding that incident. Sir Lucas, what did she tell you?"

"The same thing she said to you." 

'That's what bugs me. Lillian is supposed to tell me everything, but she kept that a secret.'

Lucas ran his hands through his hair. "I want to avoid agitating her," He admitted. "I maybe strong but Lillian is-"

"Stronger than you?" Zushi finished his sentence for him.

"Did you notice?"

"Mmm, I don't know whether she is aware of it though. Your by her side to help her stablise her mana correct?"

Linden that blabbermouth, he talks way too much.

"I am, but she probably doesn't need me. She can learn to do the stuff I do for her, herself."

He hates to admit that though. It means that he no longer has an excuse to remain by her side.

"If I wish to be with her forever. And when she answers me with her feelings. Do you think I can believe that's the answer from the bottom of her heart? That she truly means it. Instead of a answer that she's forced to give because she can't oppose me?" Lucas mumbled.

He said it quietly but he knew the Empress was listening closely.

"Someone who can make me think she really needs me. Do you think I can meet someone like that?"

"I believe you can find someone. Someone exactly like that, someone who will truly love you."

Lucas exhaled deeply. "Don't tell Lillian about this. I never wanted to trouble her."

It didn't take him long to realize why he was so irritated with the idea of her having a fiance. Or the idea that she only worked hard to get stronger for that man's sake.

"Why can't you tell her?"

"It'll get in the way of her ambition."

"Can't she have love and her ambition?"

At those words Lucas shook his head. "I don't think she can. In the first place the idea of love is a sign of weakness for Lillian." He trailed off. "There was a time where I thought the same."

"But she changed you?"

Lucas sighed. "It's hard, I don't even understand these emotions well. I was raised in an environment where the concept of love is foreign. That was why I was uncertain of my feelings."

"Did something happen to change it?"

"I'm not quite sure if it was that time, but there was a time where Lillian got seriously hurt."

'It was when that woman went on a rampage and started to put curses on people.' A powerful female mage who they had to fight a few years ago. It was a hard battle.

"The battle was difficult even for Lillian and me. She almost lost her life." He trailed off. "When I saw her in that state, it was the first time I felt fear. If something happens to Lillian, I may end up destroying the entire Empire and mot leaving a trace behind."

'I was close to doing that when I saw the state of her injuries.' He thought it was impossible for him to heal her, but he tried it anyway.

It was a miracle that she survived. But he realized then how much she meant to him. It did not take long before he labelled those strong emotions for her as love.

Lucas turned to the Empress. 'This one won't judge me.' Is that the reason why he can tell her all of this?

The fear of being judged and criticized? This entire time he may have avoided these emotions due to that fear.

*UNEDITED*