The Grand Mistress

Chapter 143 - Young Love

After Simione left, the group that was in the directress office dispersed minutes after. Hawk however, asked permission to see the girl and he had been allowed to do so by the kind directress. The group acknowledged the fact that Hawk and Cat needed to talk privately about what happened, especially that it caught them both off guard. 

The directress asked a staff member to accompany Hawk to Simione's room but when they reached there, they heard her sobbing through the door. The staff then left Hawk, giving him the free choice to go and comfort Simione or just leave her all alone.

Standing at her door, Hawk felt a deep thorough guilt. He knew he had nothing to do with her past that she was all crying about but he felt guilty for failing to see such a side of her. Isn't she always a strong woman? Why all the sudden she was crying like she was a hopeless one? 

Perhaps she had loved that Brother Don so much and thinking about such a thought pierced a sharp arrow in his heart. It was obvious Cat was still longing for him, but why did she courageously enter into his life,  make him feel like she was so into him and that she wanted him  when the truth was, she hadn't moved in yet from the man who had hurt him. What was he then? A rebound? That fact sponsored a tingling pain in his heart but ironically, he wasn't mad about it. If Cat needed him to heal her broken past, then he would gladly be his rebound.

"Cat…" His voice faded through her cries and he knew she had not heard him. He wanted to go inside and comfort her but he knew she needed to be alone, so like the staff, he left her room and went away.

When he left the orphanage, Hawk found Mario waiting for him in the front gate. The man waved a hand on him, making it obvious that he was indeed waiting for him.

"I thought of waiting for you, all the others left," Mario told him. He wanted to leave like the rest of the old folks but Hawk was his companion, in fact he was the one who invited him to go to Old Susan's village with him so it would appear rude if he would just leave him there.

"You should have gone with them, I'm okay," Hawk told him and the latter shrugged.

"How was Cat?"

Hawk only shook his head, signifying the fact that he wasn't able to talk to her. 

"I feel so bad about what happened, apologies for the things I've said young man," Mario put a hand on him for encouragement. Since he claimed to be Cat's lover, Mario thought it was hard for him to see Cat being hurt because of a previous lover.

"It wasn't your fault. Just that Cat and his ex didn't tell you so, it was just right for you guys to react like that," Hawk answered and he was honest with it. It amazed him actually how this place had changed him so much and how his patience improved overtime. Because if what happened earlier took place in the city and he was still the Hawk whom he knew himself used to be, then everyone who had said hurtful words to Cat should have suffered severe consequences. However,  the old folks chastise earlier and  Doctor Sora's schemes, although it went inside his skin, made him act reasonably without violence and threat which was always his form of retribution.

"But my heart is with you young man. It must be hard for you to see her like that because of Brother Don," Mario added as he pressed much force to his shoulder. "How hard must this be all for you. Cat sure did love Brother Don so much, it would be hard for her to move on and yet here you are, trying to pick up the broken pieces of her shattered heart,"

'I wish I could have done that sooner. If only I knew, because for the last couple of weeks, I did nothing but just broke her even more' 

Hawk said in his head. He really felt bad as the scene of Cat asking to be his only woman flashed in his mind mercilessly. It was the most shattering part of all their ventures and that must have hurt Cat severely and made her more miserable than she ever was, knowing that she was rejected again. Why did he even withhold his feelings for her when all these times, it was very evident she had managed to steal his heart and attention away from Feather the moment she appeared in his life.

However, he was so devoted with such a childhood love he had dreamed to have all his life. He had been so occupied with such fantasy that some childhood promises  were destined to be fulfilled but only then did he realize that the path with Feather he was trying so hard to keep was a path that only led them both to doom. He loved the young Cat, the young Feather but such a persona of hers probably died already in Somserset Village, together with the life he had left there. His Cat had been gone a long time ago and the one that was left was no longer the same girl he loved.  Perhaps it was time for him to accept that some love cannot be kept and that some dreams weren't meant to happen.

"Are you okay Hawk?" Mario asked as he saw how drowned he was with his own thoughts. 

His question brought Hawk back to their conversation and he only smiled bitterly and sighed. "Yeah I am,"

"You seemed very sad," Mario took notice.

"I just realized some things weren't really meant to be," Hawk told him. "It was just sad that my whole life revolved around a promise that I can no longer keep anymore,"

"Humans as we are….we are not perfect," Mario replied although he had no ounce of idea what Hawk was talking about, "We cannot always fulfill a promise. The important is we tried our best to keep it,"

"I did all that I can to keep it," Hawk honestly answered. For the name of the promise he kept with the old Cat, he betrayed even his own heart. That was how important such a promise to him—he was all willing to give his all for it, even his own happiness and the woman who managed to awaken his heart. That was how badly he wanted to keep it. 

"But I cannot keep it anymore," Hawk admitted badly. He felt very incompetent and irresponsible with such a statement. That promise he made with the young Cat, gave him all the power to survive death and all of life's challenges. Such a promise made him who he was today and such a fact made him want to give his all, even probably his own life for it and yet right now, his heart was grieving because he knew he had to let it all go now. He had to let it go before it could destroy him and Feather—Yes Feather. He had to be honest with her now. He cannot keep hurting  her anymore just because of his old childhood hang-ups and fantasy of being his knight and shining armor.

"I have to let it all go now," Hawk added and Mario could only sigh with him. The two continued on their way and only separated when the latter reached his home. Hawk then was left walking alone back to the temple and at the gate, he was welcomed by Butler Gah.

"Papa," He greeted.

"It looks like you have chosen," Butler Gah read through his eyes and saw his determination. There was no more cloud of doubt in it and he knew him pretty well to know what it meant.

"My heart is grieving though, it's not easy to let go of something you held on all your life," Hawk stated. Indeed his stay in Comis Village cleared his head and made see the things he couldn't see before, or probably he refused to see.

"I trust that you had decided well," Butler Gah impliedly told him he had never been disappointed with all his decisions. Ever since Hawk became independent, he had seen all his struggles and witnessed how he got through it all. He trusted then that the one he had been struggling now, he'll find a way out of it too. 

"I still think it's kind of selfish papa," Hawk expressed his worries. "I'm worried this might cause some damage to Feather,"

"I'm sure such damage wouldn't be as bad as going on through a loveless marriage," Butler Gah  tapped his shoulder and handed him some candles. "You love the young Han's heiress. Unfortunately, she's no longer the same girl. The one you love is here no more"

Butler Gah turned and walked through the prayer room. Hawk followed him carrying the candles his papa gave him. His heart was still heavy but hoped that sooner, he'll be able to accept that the young girl he once loved, can no longer be with him forevermore. Right then, he wished to pray and say goodbye to his young love.