The Grand Mistress

Chapter 195 - The Reason

There were so many things Lyndon wanted to say that he couldn't even dare to open his mouth. His room was filled with Simione's cries and regrets, yet there was nothing he could do to appease her. 

For years, he had resented Simione for rejecting his marriage proposal, thinking she doesn't love him enough. For years, he had always taken it as a childish nagging when she constantly told him about Feather's schemes and doings. He never believed her, no until now.

After all these times of self-righteous anger believing he was the wronged one when in fact Simione was the real victim, Lyndon was faced with the fact that all this he had brought upon himself and that he had to face it. It was just such a pity that he only realized it now, after Simione suffered unimaginable horrors on her own.

There was a part of him that said perhaps she was just wrong. That Feather was just forced to marry Hawk Monsanto knowing how her family was struggling in their business but it was so hard to ignore the truth that he just learned now. Besides, he already knows to what extent Feather's insecurities can do, yet he chooses to ignore it for a long time and believes that she has changed. That what she did when they were young was just something she did out of childishness. 

Was he really too blind then?

"I'm sorry Simione," That's all that Lyndon managed to say as things rushed into his head.

"Yeah right," Simione however was so done that just right after she heard him, she took her sling bag and bolted out through the door. She can't bear to stay there anymore, not when she had told Lyndon all things out of anger. She was cursing herself then for doing so but she never regretted it. It was time for him to know, it was time for him to grow up.

Yet, her heart was then aching and so instead of hurrying away, she paused at the stairs as she calmed her heart. She had cried too much already and yet even when a bucket of tears had been shed, she had found no redemption for her. How come her life was this miserable? How come she was never given a chance to be happy at all?

Simione wiped her tears and deeply breathed. What's going to happen now? Just as she was contemplating on her next step, she noticed Lyndon coming to her in a wheelchair, pushing himself carefully toward her side. 

"Simione….please hear me out," His voice had gone calm and controlled. Simione thought that perhaps some sense went on him. She was hopeful.

"Brother Don…I'm sorry for what I said..I spoke out of—"

"Sisi…do not apologize anymore," Lyndon replied with a bitter smile. "It was me who was wrong. I should not have made things more difficult with you..I am sorry Sisi…I'm the older brother here…I should have been the one taking care of you… of grandmother and of grandfather.."

"Just focus on getting better…that's all I ask," Simione told him with relief. However there was something, something about Lyndon's expression that got Simione a little uncomfortable. It was like there was something he wanted to say more.

"No Sisi….I can't just sit here and watch you do all the work…do not think about me anymore, I promise from now on I'll tend to myself well…" Lyndon started with a promise. 

He had realized he had been too much of a burden already to her and his family and so he was trying to make up for his folly. "I still have some money left in London, I had been working afterall for many years. That money comes from my ballet career so it has nothing to do with Tang's assets. I'm sure it cannot be frozen by the gov't. So worry no more about the Tang mansion's expenses and about grandmother. As for grandfather, I'll look into it. Sisi..do not anymore worry about us…"

Lyndon looked at Simione with a reassuring smile. "I am very sorry Simione for everything. Looking at you now and how me….us…made you suffer….I could only hope one day you'll be able to forgive me…"

"Brother Don, you did nothing so big that would not make me forgive you…" Simione replied. "You had been so good to me when we were young…what I did now, it wasn't enough to compensate,"

Hearing about their past only made Lyndon feel gut sick and guilty. Seeing how Simione had suffered and done so many foolish things for him, he felt the need to free her from all the lies of the past. 

All these years, he imprisoned the girl in believing that it was about his kindness that made him save her from the streets when the truth was, there was more to the story but his kind heart had nothing to do with it. It was more like his guilt.

"Simione…please do not think about that anymore…." Lyndon's voice was shaking. "I don't deserve your loyalty and gratefulness…." He closed his eyes for a moment to suck all the guilt and swallowed hard before he leveled her eyes again. "What I did when we were young….saving you from the streets…isn't because of my kindness…it's because of my conscience Sisi…."

"Brother Don…." Simione was confused. Nothing in Lyndon's words made her feel like there was something wrong yet but the guilty look that went on his face made Simione confused. 

"I didn't save you because I was kind Sisi, I saved you because I did something wrong to you," He confessed making Simione's head spin upon the sudden transition of emotions. For a moment a fog rushed into her head that she felt the need for a pause to find clarity but the words Lyndon were throwing wasn't giving her some break.

"As for what you did to Feather…." Lyndon added in a soft voice but a determined one. "Don't regret it. You did it to get even with her as you should….but do not think of it anymore as something you did for me so you won't regret the fact that I was unworthy of all the efforts. Think of it as something you did for yourself…"

"You did it to get justice for yourself….so don't feel bad about it…even a little," Lyndon gave her a look that bore all his hate and fury for how things went too bad with him, with the Tangs, and with Simione. His jaw hardened thinking through it. "I just wished that at the end, you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for the things I did…."

"Brother Don, you are scaring me," Simione's insides were shaking then. She doesn't know why but it felt like his words contained a venom, poisoning her slowly until she had no breath left. "What the hell are you talking about…"

"The accident…."Lyndon felt like there was a big sharp thing hitting his throat when he said that. Yet he pushed the words through despite the pain, "The accident fifteen years ago in Mara Ballet Company…the one that caused you an irreparable  leg injury  and made you lose your ballet career …."

"It was Feather who did it…" Lyndon looked away this time as he couldn't bear to see the sudden reproached that went so Simione's eyes. "And I just watched her do it…"

"It was Feather, Simione" Lyndon repeated, ready to take all of the girl's blame and hatred. 

"She was the reason why you couldn't dance ballet anymore,"