Chapter 146: Scared, Yet I Want Him
Chapter 146: Scared, Yet I Want Him
(From Blue's Perspective)
"Aghhhhh!!!"
"What? What was that?" I asked, looking around. "I think it has come from ahead. Let's go."
I pulled Perita's hand before she could protest and advanced towards the origin of the scream.
"Your Highness, please slow down. You're with a child..."
"Oh, right," I said but did not slow down much. But at that time, I had no idea what kind of horrifying sight I would see.
"What...," I mumbled as my hands shot up over my mouth in shock. A head rolled and stopped right in front of me while a headless body lay in front of us with blood gushing out from the neck making a pool of blood on the floor.
"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?" Dem asked, phrasing every single word separately as if he was suppressing his anger.
He had a blood-dipped sword in his left hand and there were a few drops of blood on his ice-cold face.
"I heard a noise..."
"A noise?" he muttered coldly. "And you've come to investigate?"
"Ah, y-yes..."
"Perita!" he suddenly yelled.
"Yes, Your Highness?" she bowed.
"Why would you bring her to somewhere like this?" he asked. "Don't you want to be a knight anymore?"
"My apologies, Your Highness, if I have done something wrong. But my job is to serve Her Highness. It is my duty to obey Her Highness. And moreover, Her Highness did not get into any kind of danger nor I have brought her to somewhere dangerous," she said, looking down. "I am afraid I was merely doing my duty."
"She is right... It's not her fault," I said quickly. "I am the one... who asked Perita to bring... me here."
"Is that so?" he asked dangerously, advancing towards me with slow and steady steps. The head was still in front of me. I was trying hard not to look at it, but wherever I looked, there was only blood.
He kicked the head away and I gasped. "Are you scared?" he whispered into my ear.
I could not bring myself to say anything or move. I was too horrified. Perhaps because I was pregnant, I was more horrified than I would be normally.
Perita seemed to want to intervene. But she was just a knight. How could she even oppose the king? She already did once a while ago and it made Dem really angry. I had a feeling that if I was not here, perhaps he would ask her for a duel and give unreasonable conditions.
"You don't usually take this way to the bedroom. Why today?" he asked.
"I was waiting for you... in front of the magic tower. You were supposed to go there," I said in a trembling voice.
"Ah, I got late... I had to take care of this thing here."
'Thing?'
"I am sorry," he muttered. "But more than that, I hate the fact that you're here."
His voice was oddly calm and very cold. I felt like my knees would give away. It was mostly because of the dead body that was in front of me.
Right before my knees gave away and I thought I would fall to the ground, he held me by the waist, stopping the fall midway.
He picked me from the ground. I did not have much strength left to protest. These days, after being sick, it was as if I lost all the rights over my own body. Now all I could do was go along with whatever he was doing.
"Perita, make sure no one comes around the bedroom and if there is an emergency or something, inform the beta," he said.
"Yes, Your Highness."
I had no idea why he said that. What was he going to do? He said that he would not hit me like my family. Then was it a lie?
"You really are very disobedient," he muttered. "I did not know my wife could wander around like this. Ah, you got the necklace back now. Should I break it and never let you wear it again?"
"No... Don't."
"Alright," he said. "If my wife says so, how can I not listen?"
I clutched the front of his outfit tightly. He was really angry. Though he was not yelling at me, I could feel that he was controlling himself.
He kicked open the bedroom door and threw me on the bed. I gasped as I saw him closing the door with too much force than necessary.
He took a towel and dampened it with the water from the jug that was kept on the bedside table. He did not seem to care as the water fell on the floor.
I watched him as he skillfully cleaned the blood on his hands and face. The bloody sword was still in his hand. He threw it on the floor and it fell with a clunking noise that was too sharp for my ears.
"You know, I like it when you say you love me. You even accepted some of my twisted thoughts," he said with a disturbing grin. "But sometimes, I wish you were afraid of me. I wish you will be afraid so you won't be able to run away from me because your knees would give away, just like now."
'Just like now? Yes, my knees gave away... And I hate it, I hate myself for it. Even if I had not left him, I wanted to stick to my ground. I don't have to be strong physically, but mentally- I at least wanted to be able to hold onto my ground. But no matter how much I tried, it was me who gave up, every single time.
I was always like this. I thought I was holding on well for the past eighteen years, but I was wrong. All I did was survive. I did not have much of a thought left of mine. No dreams, no desire, nothing- I did not have anything... When I am not even mentally strong, how the hell am I going to help this man get better?'
"You hate me now, don't you?"
"No."
"I told you that I kill others without a second thought, but that was one thing," he said. "Just words are not enough to scare someone. But now that you've witnessed the same thing I said, are you surprised? Shocked? Scared?"
"Yeah, I am... surprised and scared...," I mumbled.
"But I am afraid I can't let you go," he chuckled. "No matter what, I can't let you leave me."
'Ah, I have heard it a lot of times. It's not a surprise to hear anymore. It's not like I have much of a desire to leave. He did not hurt me, not a single time. He is always nice to me and treats me so lovingly that I sometimes forget all the tortures from my past. If only he is telling the truth that he didn't bring me because of my power, I don't have any plan to leave him.'
He got up on the bed and bent over me as I rested on my elbows. He kissed the side of my neck and licked the place.
"Hnn..."
"I wrote a letter to the doctor last night," he said. "And he gave me a reply this morning."
"A-About what?"
"He said we can do it as long as we're gentle," he said. "You're getting better even if it's temporary. That's why it is doable now."
'Then, are we going to do it now? Is this what he means?'
"If I say I want to make love to you now, will you tell me yes?"
"What if I say... no?"
"I will stop."
That was something I knew without even asking. Dem liked to do it a lot and when he was angry, he was rougher than usual. But every time, he asked for my permission. Not even a single time, he did it when I was reluctant. If he wanted, he could and I would not be able to do anything since he could overpower me very easily. But he never once tried to do it.
That was something I liked about him quite a lot.
"No, let's... do it," I mumbled. "I want it too. It's been... long."
"You know I won't hurt you, right?" he whispered into my ear. "Even if you're scared, please remember this. I don't want to hurt you and I won't. I can kill every single living being in the world, but I can't hurt you. You're too precious to me. So, please, at least, believe me when I say that I will cherish you."
"I k-know..."
Even if I was scared, I could not help but embrace this man. His masculine scent and the warmth that his arms offered relaxed me. It was as if whenever he held me, a voice told, 'It's alright. I will save you. You will be fine.'