There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

Chapter 192: Sky high, Scuttle low

Chapter 192: Sky high, Scuttle low

Delta wasn't mad, she was just disappointed.

The fact it was herself she was disappointed in was another matter entirely.

"Pack it away and suppress," she inhaled once as she set up a trigger for the 'flood of crimson'.

Trigger for the Flood of Crimson has been set to the phrase 'Fishy Fishy Fishy'.

Delta shunted the mass into her lakes and rivers until the trigger was tripped and then they would be summoned to the Fishgeon to swarm whatever poor soul was inside. Delta even saw a few swimming in a small pond in the secret garden.

Nu still hadn't recovered so Delta powered on without him. Her experience with Gutrot had taught her a valuable lesson. It was okay to be traumatized and you could only ever be proud of yourself for surviving.

Tastes would fade, scents would disperse and memories would soften over time.

Pride remained eternal!

She spent a few minutes coaxing Prim to give her some more 'Delta' options for the place. Bone bear traps and acid floods just felt a bit out of place for her design philosophy.

Plato and Socrates would have definitely said 'bounce pads, not spike pits'.

Fishgeon: Now 50% less deadly

Upgrades:

The Juice Room: Opens a side room which is filled with a swimming pool. If you ignore the flesh room, it really is lovely. The juices have high medicinal properties for health and skin care 40 DP.

The Phantom of the Bone Opera: The Bone Keyboard to escape the Fishgeon now has hidden notes scattered about to spell the message 'Captain Ahab'. If played correctly the first time, the adventurers are ejected with a treasure chest. 40 DP

The Wrecks: Old vessels of a pirate fleet are strewn about. Most of them are wrecks but supply stable footpaths and places to loot. The wrecks all seemed to be the same ship but different versions. The words 'Pi' and 'ats' can be seen on some of the wreckage. 30 DP.

The Pirate's Treasure: One piece of special gold is hidden in the Fishgeon. If collected, it can be used to bargain with the Pie-Rats. The Pygmies highly seek this coin. 50 Mana.

The Missing Book: A book called 'Pine Oak Ye Oh' can be found in a chest. Returning it to the third floor library will yield an amazing book. 40 DP.

The Warning Signs: A totem surrounded by crabs worshiping Bob is in the corner. Leaving an offering will greatly benefit people on the fourth floor. 10 DP

Captain Cutlery : If cursed by Waddles, adventurers will run into a submerged skeleton covered in mana-glowing seaweed. This dead mariner will menacingly stand there. 5 DP

Delta nodded.

"Buy them all, Prim," she ordered, she was not going to act coy this time! All around her, wooden wrecks shifted into view with metal bands, some of the ships looking so old they might collapse any moment. The ships were arranged like a hurricane had swept through, mixing and mashing pieces together until the walls looked like a garbage heap. A few Crimson Minnows swam in the ruins. Where the adventurers would emerge was on a collapsed crow nest that formed a platform of sorts.

Collapsed masts and shattered hulls made a true maze of paths and it looked rather interesting.

On the plank walk to one of the ships the wall formed an opening which glowed green. Delta stuck her head into a massive room with glowing green liquid that was filling a natural dip in the massive fish's stomach. The liquid smelled oddly sweet and relaxing. The edges moved in gentle waves as if the fish itself was swimming in slow soft motions. Pieces of planks and wood had also landed here, creating a place to change.

'Luckily' some of the wood even formed private changing rooms.

These were some amazing changes for such a short time!

---

Yattina stared as people around her panicked. These instruments attuned to Delta's Mana were spiking in an odd pattern. If she squinted, it would almost look like 'mu' and 'wah' in repeating patterns. The machines had long been 'infiltrated' by Delta's mana and Yattina just hadn't had any time to report it.

She sighed as she laid back in her chair, sipping coffee. The nice woman, Mrs Dabberghast, had slipped her some amazing beans after she saw her eye. She seemed to smile at Yattina like they were in a secret club.

Yattina eyed the amount of paperwork on her desk and scowled. Caline had been neglecting so much of it, delegating it until the work simply came to a stop. Resource requests, proper reports back, and a ton of discoveries had to be logged.

Caline had done none of it as if he did not expect to be dealing with any consequences.

She twirled his badge around, well her badge now. The hand symbol looked well polished and it was the only thing Caline seemed to take care of at all. The more she played with it, the more her eye seemed to find a little piece of it that was out of place, a little piece of the badge that looked unnatural.

She was about to press it or pry it off when her door was opened by Lim who looked confused by the chaos around the detector machines.

"Lim!" she smiled and the teen looked back, just as pleased to see her.

"Commander Yattina!" he said and she grimaced at the title. It felt so... militaristic.

"Distract me," she almost begged of the young man who winced.

"Okay..." he said and her stomach dropped.

"What?" she asked and he pulled out a report.

"The clean up crews and that adventurer group under Estal have been encountering something," he explained as Yattina turned the detailed report around that even had maps and diagrams along with a sketch.

Now this was paperwork!

"In the sewers? Elder Darknessbane presumed there was nothing down there except rogue cheese and some slimes," she said, confused and pulled out the sketch of a skeletal man with nails as long as claws, shabby torn clothes made of rat pelts, and mad eyes that looked uncomfortably excited at being detected. Her eyes darted over a few of the comments from the workers.

'Stranger cried 'initiative' then clubbed one of our workers and ran off with his shoes'.

'I got caught in some discarded fish nets and he hollered 'roll to resist seduction''

'He blocked the way out because he refused to just open a door, claiming it was trapped and he trusted nothing since the 'mimic incident'.'

'He stole my lunch but he just fed it to some rats and barely kept any for himself. I felt a little bit bad.'

Yattina looked up.

"Did no one bring him in? He clearly needs help," Yattina asked as she stood up.

"We tried but he said the 'party hadn't been gathered' and ran off. He's really strong," Lim explained with a wince and rubbed his arm where a bruise could be seen.

"There's more of him down there?" she blinked. There was a secret society of slime lovers in the sewers of Durence? That should not surprise her by now.

"Not to our knowledge," Lim shook his head and pointed to the maps.

"We've explored most of it and it's only him," he said confidently. Yattina would take care of this personally. It would give her a break from the paperwork.

Just as she started to walk with Lim down the hall, she felt a brush on her chest and she jumped, seeing nothing there. Yattina looked down the empty hall and the place seemed devoid of life. She focused her new eye and was about to look with her new 'sight' when Lim asked if she was alright.

"Something is afoot," she muttered and stalked off.

---

Caline watched as the useless grunt reappeared as the potion of light bending wore off.

"S-Sorry sir, she's too on guard," the man mewled like a child. Caline plastered a fake smile on his face.

"Next time," he said and the man looked relieved not to be in trouble.

Caline could use him a few more times before he would make the idiot vanish. Caline turned and walked into the office where the half-drunk cup of coffee remained. The poison should have turned her into an idiot and sick as a dog yet Yattina was walking around untouched.

It was becoming clear she was getting some benefits from this disgusting relationship with the dungeon. A new eye, some stronger organs... Yattina must be a good groveler. The vile woman.

Well, if poison and theft didn't work, Caline would have to keep escalating.

"What are you doing here?" a voice called and Caline spun to see the child that he was already plotting to use as a pawn.

"Argus, I'm just looking for Commander Yattina to get my paperwork approved for a slight trip," he said and smiled. The brat didn't smile back.

"You're up to something," Ripdoy's little gem accused.

"Why would you think that?" Caline asked, almost offended at being accused by a child.

"Your core feels bad. Even pale, it still feels green," he said and Caline narrowed his eyes.

"Don't speak of things you can't understand," he growled and strode past Argus who seemed to stare at his back.

He would show them all. Caline would tear down Fairplay and he was so close to doing it.

---

"That's a nice totem, isn't that a nice totem?" Delta asked the crabs who danced around the vaguely ominous statue of a leviathan-like worm wrapped around a stone pillar, consuming an apple or orange with little shapes on it.

"What do you think?" she asked the glowing skeleton covered in seaweed at her side who had its arms stretched out as if it were about to take flight.

"I quite agree!" Delta nodded as its jaw rattled.

Delta went over to the bone organ and tapped a few keys.

"Mary had a little lamb," she tapped and the groaning organ turned the simple song into a spooky haunting theme. Delta was loving this but this whole place was missing something. A core aspect... something to make it stand out.

It was missing life!

"No offense, Captain," she said and the skeleton rattled that it was no issue. She worked through her menus until she came upon something seven or so pages back in the 'misc' page.

Para-Mercenaries versus Sea Gulf Warriors: Seagulls that rule the upper Fishgeon are at war(not really) with the Isopods of the bottom! Adventurers have a chance to join one side or the other for unique rewards. Both sides will use the adventurers as proxies for their fight (war games). One side will be led by King Trashlover and the other by Emperor Scuttlebutt. 50 DP.

"It was the names that sold me," she admitted to Captain Cutlery who rattled in agreement. All around her, life burst on to the sea, a flock of seagulls turning crow nests and collapsed masts into battle barriers while industrial isopods began to terraform the ground with trenches and tunnels.

Two massive forms emerged before Delta. One was a seagull but so large it was dinosaur-ish in style with predator-like eyes and a beak tipped in red. Its little webbed feet have claws. Atop its majestic head sat a crown that looked like it came from a fast food restaurant.

'We Whopping Love It Real and Fresh'

The other form was a monster from the deep with segmented shells and armored like a tank. The defining feature that stood out was the seagull skull it wore over its front and the knives it had tapped to each side of the skull. There were also words on the skull like the crown.

'Scuttle into the Abyss and Weep'

"You're both... kind of cute," Delta said in surprise and they both turned on the spot as if dancing. Secretly, the Para-Mercenaries were sort of more scary.

King Trashlover opened his beak with a song and the shark-like teeth on display sparkled and from inside its mouth, a knife-like tongue darted with a strange secretion of barbecue sauce and secret sauce.

"Emperor Scuttlebutt, King Trashlover, you put up recruitment notices and train some of your folks to speak common," she instructed.

"Mine!" Trashlover screeched.

"Snuffle,* Scuttlebut agreed.

She looked over to see that Captain Cutlery was being inhabited by isopods and roosted upon by a seagull.

She formed him a giant butter knife just to be safe.

War could be unkind to bystanders.

----

Nu watched closely as the little metal flower unfolded slowly near Delta's well on the Third Floor. He had been keeping close tabs on this little development. He was suppressing the notifications for it from Delta for a while. Nu didn't want Delta to feel responsible for the fate of this little interloper.

Nu had no qualms about removing a threat before it could... take root. He circled it as the flower developed awareness slowly, like a lightbulb turning on slowly.

"Who are you?" Nu asked coldly.

"Dick..." the flower responded.

"Excuse me?" Nu reeled back in surprise at the crude little thing.

"My name is... Dick!" the flower said with a stronger voice. Nu stared as the flower moved this way and that way with an utterly blank face aside from shiny petals. It seemed utterly blind. Sighing, he used mana to carve just three lines. Two vertical lines for the eyes and a curved one for the mouth.

Delta 'liked' happy things.

"Am I your friend?" Dick asked slowly and Nu recoiled at the mere idea of having friends.

"No, I am your master," Nu instructed.

"We can be master-friends?" the flower tilted to one side.

"No we cannot and how dare you," Nu retorted. He turned to leave. This flower was nothing to be worried about it seemed.

"Don't cast me off! Don't you... DaRe LeaVe ME AgAIn!" the voice of a squeaky boy turned harsh and grating but when Nu snapped around the flower looked innocent as always.

"Oh, that was odd. I just felt hot and bad. Then I wanted to hurt you! That's not what friends do," Dick said with confusion. Nu was moments from just nipping this all in the bud when Dick looked up at him.

"Do I deserve to be alive?" it asked with doubt.

Nu froze.

After a moment, Nu released the grip he had on the flower's connection to the dungeon.

"No one deserves life but we're here together. You, me, everyone, and even Delta have the curse of awareness and feelings. It's not your fault," he said softly.

"What's a Delta?" Dick asked.

"Sunshine and rainbows, rather sickening amounts of them," Nu said bluntly, feeling a headache come on.

"I'm metal, I only need to be watered with iron fresh from corpses! Sunshine is optional!" Dick managed to make his mouth curl further into a beam.

"What... is... this?" came a growl. Nu turned and looked up then up then more up until the unique face of the less social troll of Delta's Dungeon appeared.

"Gnashly. Glad you could leave your cave to join us for once," he said snidely.

"Jeb handles things. I lay about and look at picture books. I like princes," Gnashly sneered.

"Jeb has a job and earns his keep, you barely do anything," Nu pointed out and Gnashly snorted, looking unimpressed.

"I wake jeb up for shifts. I do the hard work," she replied easily.

"Hi! Pretty girl! I am Dick!" the flower spoke and Gnashly blinked.

"You are flower," she pointed out.

"But I'm called Dick! Want to be friends?" the flower insisted.

"What friends do?" Gnashly asked and Nu watched the scene like a car crash in action.

"SlauGhter yOur eNemies befoRE ThEy LeaVE YOu!" Dick said, his eyes glowing dark blue then perked up with a small shy smile.

Gnashly stared then smiled back.

"You shall read murder books to Gnashly. The ones with lots of kissing," she ordered. Dick beamed and looked happy.

Nu's first order of business would be installing an age-restriction on some of the library ASAP.

"I'll read all the murder!" Dick said and Gnashly bend down and scooped out a massive chunk of earth along with Dick before patting her shoulder and planting Dick there.

"Murder! Gnashly roared.

"Friends!" Dick cheered back.

"Murder. Friends!" Gnashly continued.

"MURDER FRIENDS!" Dick yelled.

Nu could see this being an issue but also hilarious when Delta finally found out.

Sense of responsibility or morally correct thing?

Responsibility or morals... Nu recalled the flood of the 1000 Crimson Minnows and he shuddered.

It was time for a little revenge.

---

Grim stared as birds, squirrels, and rabbits flocked to Deo as he sang his silly little song on the way home after school.

"Row row your boat, gently down the stream!" he said and his voice was like balm to the soul but Grim's soul was bitter so it just itched.

"What's that noise? It's like some siren or song monster," some girl asked and Grim turned on his heel.

"It's called singing, you city-dwelling snot-nosed brat. Respect his singing or I will sue you," he warned the group led by a girl who looked spoiled or had everything just handed to her.

"Alpha, who is this sassy child who thinks I won't destroy him in a court of law?" the girl asked stiffly. Oh, Alpha was here too.

"Alphie!" Deo said excitedly and windows rattled from the vibrations.

"Princess this is Grimnoire. He's a local teen who has set up a successful Dungeon Guide business before Fairplay. This is Deo and he is... my friend?" Alpha said, sounding surprised at his own words.

"There's someone who can stand you?" the girl asked and Grim shot her a look.

A princess?

Well, if this didn't make his coin purse hum.

"Alphie is my friend and you can be my friend. I'm Deo! Welcome to Durence!" Deo held out a hand with a huge smile and the girl lasted 3.4 seconds before she crumbled and shook Deo's hand.

Grim stared. This girl was... formidable. Most only lasted 1.6 seconds.

"I am Serma and this is my guard, Mas," she introduced while holding an orange slime.

Urgh, why orange?

"Hi, I'm Mas!" the boy said and Deo grinned back. There was a long ten seconds as they just kept shaking each other's hand and the sun seemed to brighten and birds began to sing. Their contact was raising the local mood into happiness.

Grim had to prevent this!

At almost the same time, he and the princess pulled the boys apart, standing in front of them with icy auras.

"Your friend is a delight and he has you as a friend... interesting," Serma said with glinting eyes.

"I thought royalty had gentle auras, not their guards," Grim said back, smiling tightly.

"I own your lands," Serma said, leaning in with a hiss.

"I don't see the queen's crown yet," Grim said back just as quietly.

"I like swords!" Deo offered.

"Me too!" Mas said excitedly.

"I'm giving Serma the tour. We've been to the bank, the book store, the fountain, the confusing alley that never ends, and now we're heading to the inn so they can book a room," Alpha said, ignoring the atmosphere as if he just didn't care for it.

"Oh, the royal treatment," Grim said, and Serma smiled back sweetly.

"Your village is so quaint and charming. I just have to see it all in one day," she simpered.

"Not everyone has the luxury of a castle and all their wishes granted, I'm glad you're coming off your throne to experience it," Grim shot back and they squared up, eyes glaring at each other.

"Grim's making a friend!" Deo said in awe.

"The princess is warming up to him!" Mas responded, just as shocked.

"Princess, you can be catty with your new friend later, we must sign in to the inn before night," a tall woman in knight regalia said as she appeared almost from nowhere.

"Lorsa, you are right. Some things aren't that important," the girl said with a nod.

"Please do come back, I just wanna listen to your holy Serma-one all day," Grim said back and the princess nearly stumbled at the wording. Grim was surprised at his own tongue. He had never seen a pun land so hard.

"I expected little of you, Grimnoire, but puns? I am truly shocked," Serma said and stalked off. Deo patted Grim while beaming.

"Grim, do you like the princess?" he asked as Mas followed Serma, shooting waves to Deo.

"No, you idiot," he scoffed and pulled Deo in the opposite direction with his hand.

"Snooty bossy arrogant girl," he muttered under his breath.