There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

Chapter 195: Tax Evasion+2

Chapter 195: Tax Evasion+2

"This can't possibly be that upsetting," Nu said and Delta stubbornly refused to look at him as Prim surveyed what was left of the island.

"I didn't know if mana vibrated, it exploded," she said with a mutter.

"Vibration is energy. Continuous energy must be put to use. Rapid vibration with no output produces... say it," Nu said with an annoying singsong tone.

Delta refused and glared at the scorched black earth.

"I am deeply impressed. I shall record 'Mana Bombs' for possible traps or if nothing else, mods for my game," Prim praised and somehow that only made Delta feel even more embarrassed.

"Remind me to get Prim into farm simulator games," Delta told Nu and the blue screen hesitated.

"She already modded the 'Starsap Gorge' to allow her to murder those that try to romance her avatar. She uses their empty homes as more chicken coops," he explained and Delta stared at him.

"Why chickens? Aren't there a lot of other things?" Delta asked, tilting her head.

"Chicken only run. It's where I kill a village every time one of my chickens produce a golden egg," Prim interrupted as the land around them slowly began to heal and become slightly less 'decimated.

"But if you keep building more chickens, doesn't that mean statistically that you're going to get more golden eggs?" Delta pointed out and Prim made a strange sound that was almost pleased.

"Numbers go up!" she hissed.

"I tried to bond with her and make signs for her town but she murdered my avatar and used my bones for a chicken coop," Nu said dryly as the island slowly returned to a more normal appearance with the aid of the two systems.

"Your signs were creating disharmony in my town. It made me feel unpleasant," Prim argued as Delta watched them interact, mildly... bittersweet as she watched the once robotic beings argue like real siblings.

It was strange how much things changed when Delta wasn't looking.

Delta clapped her hands as she was about to get ready to correct her mistake.

Fish Island should have come before Water Bearer island but Delta's excitement inthe act of creating had made her forget the proper order.

'Forgive me, people of the fish' Delta sent a silent apology to the stars.

"Wait," Nu said and Delta looked at his screen and blinked, hands still raised in the air.

"We have formed a union and wish to have a bigger stake in the dungeon," Prim added quickly. Delta looked between the blue and green screen.

"But I don't pay you. How can I pay you more?" she asked and then sucked in air.

"Oh my god, I don't pay you! I'll set up a CompensationBuddy account. Give me a moment," Delta turned, reaching for Nu but let out a shock yelp as Nu yanked her back.

"We don't want useless currency," he said quickly as Prim peeked around his side.

"Unless it can purchase firearms for my private use," she said but Nu shot her a look that made her sulk away.

"We just want some of our ideas to be used instead of discarded," Nu explained and Delta smiled weakly.

"Your ideas are a bit murdery," she reminded him. The two screens shared a look, communicating silently. Delta could listen in but she wanted to give them the respect of their own space.

"We promise to tone it back if you try to work with us," Nu offered and Delta smiled.

"I can do that. I don't hate your ideas. As a whole, they can be very clever," Delta said and crossed her arms as the idea of cooperation was always appealing to her.

"Sharks with lasers should be the theme of this island," Prim said instantly.

"Tone," Nu muttered.

"Codfish with handguns?"

Delta decided to throw them a lifeline.

"So, you want some sort of fish creature with projectiles to be a hindrance to the people?" she asked and Prim began to vibrate and small explosions flowed over her screen. Nu looked over the mostly green island (the edges refused to change from their charred blackness much to Delta's dismay) and spoke slowly.

"We can wait until you set up the core Orb challenge," he said and Delta looked at Prim who seemed to agree.

Delta thought about the strengths and weaknesses of this island, allowing an idea to come to her along with a smile.

"I have an idea," she grinned.

---

Grim didn't think being employed would be so dull.

"The following sponsors would like to set up around the guild hall in return for monthly rent fees to the guildmaster," he read off a piece of paper as in his office, paperwork seemed to be growing by the day.

"Mouth-Chompers: White-tier teeth. Pot-Insurance: Protect your curves. Living the Lich Life: Insurance for your undeath... ahhh!" Grim threw it aside then pushed a whole pile of similar requests off his table.

"Elegant," Serma said as she sipped tea in the corner with her entourage and Deo.

"Why are you here?" Grim asked darkly.

"Your building is the closest to the dungeon and you have over a dozen rooms unused which I can use as free rooms. Whoever built this place is truly a master craftsman," Serma praised as she ran her hand over the nearby fireplace which had images of Deo's mother carved into them like a divine being.

Every room had some sort of monument to the woman and thankfully they were all modest figures of love.

"So you're freeloading," Grim summed up.

"You ignore my freeloading and when I become queen, I'll forgive the freeloading you're doing on taxes by being underage but still owning a business," Serma offered with a sweet smile.

"You can have the cramped closet in the basement. I put some old swords I got as collateral from some adventurers who took my floor 1 package but ignored my warnings," Grim said as he stood up and looked around the paper covered floor for something.

"No need, I found this darling little room with heroic action figures and maps on the wall," she said and Grim nearly choked.

"That's my room," he said and Serma met his eyes. Grim was willing to perform some regicide. No one took his action figures. In anger, he reached down, he took a rather thick stack of papers and inhaled them like candy, causing Serma to sit up in alarm.

Grim grinned as he made another threatening gesture to inhale more kingdom paperwork when he paused.

"Did you know the code reform of your father's reign says that you technically have no power until you're eighteen?" he asked and looked down at the paperwork in shock.

"Yes, I am rather aware of my rights being taken away by the many laws my father made," Serma said with a tight tone.

"Tea?" Deo asked as he poured more tea for everyone.

Grim ignored her as he got on his knees, beginning to inhale the paper around him with a mad gleam to his eye.

Laws, reforms, technicalities, tax codes, area codes, rules, regulations, limits, gray areas...

Grim shuddered as he digested it all.

"I know tax exemptions," he said, slowly looking at Serma who put her cup down with an odd expression.

"Show me," she beckoned.

Moments later, Grim was walking down the stairs and opened the front door to the Grim Tale Guild House where a dozen people suddenly began to demand entry or more secrets on how to get past this or that.

Grim nudged Deo who whistled, making people cover their ears in pain which a blessed silence followed.

"Now, I know I haven't been doing things as clean as a whistle," Grim said and almost winced at his own wording but powered on, "I have learned much and I want to say things are going to get a lot better from here on out," Grim promised. Many adventurers perked up while Fairplay officers smiled as if they were waiting for this.

"For me. Things are going to be better for me," Grim's tone said with an air of utter greed. He began to recite codes and laws that particularly lent themselves to dungeons and adventurers.

It turned out that adventurers were a bit of a liability for any town or city in a long enough duration due to their habit of things that required Peacekeepers around.

Testing magical items on private property, setting hedges alight with some new amulet, messing up a new spell they learned and blowing up the local orphanage, accidently animating the ex-residents of the orphanage into underage and unalive warriors, and so on.

Heck, Grim was even learning as he spoke that adventurers were banned in some places due to being menaces and 'dangers to society'. Under the 'Jhay Jai' law of the Capital City, Grim could brand any of these oafs as devils or menaces which could carry a fine up to a whole silver or private property if they were poor!

Grim chewed on another piece of paper with amusement, getting odd looks.

As for private companies like Fairplay? They had to adhere to the rules even more so due to the fact they had government granted grounds and agreements.

"Entry to the Guild is now five copper," Grim added, placing a bucket down by the door. Someone let out a sudden bellow of rage and leapt out of the crowd, a near naked warrior who seemed to have lost all his equipment somehow.

Grim thought he looked familiar but these saps sort of began to blend together after three days.

The knife he brandished made Grim alarmed for a second but Deo slapped the attackers hand down like swatting a fly and he crashed into the steps, the wood undamaged despite the force of the slam.

"Grim, they love the rules! He couldn't wait to pay," Deo said brightly as he held out the bucket to the sobbing man.

The clink of coins was music to Grim's ears. He turned to Serma and her guard, Mas. Serma looked mildly impressed.

"I suppose the room with the ensuite bathroom and actual view from the balcony will do for me," she shrugged.she shrugged. Grim knew he would win over her-

Wait, what room?

Grim hadn't explored all the floors yet! There was a room like that?!

It was rather scary that Deo's father had installed indoor plumbing and hooked it up to the sewers in the short few days. Still, despite that, the adventurers and Fairplay were still advancing to the guild with coins held out and Grim wilted at the idea of talking to them.

If only he had someone who liked people but wouldn't steal from Grim to undercut the guild...

"Should I get the entrance bucket ready?" Deo asked happily and Grim waved him off.

"Deo, not now. I'm trying to think of a schmuck I can rip off for free labor," he said with annoyance.

"I can work!" Deo said, sounding confident.

"Deo, you still have ten essays due for Mr Jones. You're not allowed to have a hobby, let alone a job," Grim said and Deo looked put out, then smiled as people began to tip him an extra copper upon entry.

"We have homework?" Deo asked after a moment, looking thoughtful.

Grim was about to sigh when he saw someone approaching. It was Quiss, but Grim didn't care about the blond man as he tended to ignore any problems unless it was suddenly his problem. No, Grim knew that wherever Quiss went...

He scanned the treeline and found the out of place bush with the odd teen trying to blend in down the road from Quiss, inching forward shyly.

"I do believe I have found a Vas-tly superior option," Grim said with delight then frowned at himself.

Name puns now?!

"Can I hold the entrance bucket if I do my homework?" Deo asked while prodded Grim's side curiously.

"Sure," Grim agreed, seeing there was no chance in stars or the abyss that Deo would ever do all his homework.

Now, he had to bark up the right tree.

---

From above, the circular island looked like two circling fish that gave a little space in the center for a small pond.

In the pond, a little shadowy shape circled the water as Ophiuchus watched it with open curiosity.

"It's not exactly a shark," Prim said slowly.

Delta admitted it wasn't a shark but this was as close as she could mutate a fish into one.

Guitarfish: A shark on a budget.

"It's more of a ray. A sort of diverse Skate species. This one has very shark-like dorsal fins," Nu encouraged Prim who perked up.

"It's like an easter egg!" she exclaimed.

Delta focused on the fish and seconds later it swallowed a deep pink orb that made its stomach glow. With a nod, she borrowed some food from Fera's kitchen and tossed into the pond as she began to talk to the two screens.

"Fish Island is going to focus on kindness with compassion and demanding sympathy to the point of being a victim. Overindulgence in any one is gonna be a bad thing," she said as she weaved a few bushes of berries that grew on the first floor along with some of the actual edible mushrooms she had developed.

Delta made a mental note to get back to the secret garden and mushroom grove later along with checking on the flower garden on the second floor. Those rooms could not be left alone for too long.

"This fish will kill them with kindness?" Prim guessed as the Guitarfish emerged and spat water around before splashing water about messily.

"No, to get the orb, I'm going to set it up so they need to feed the fish the right food, ignoring the easy 'fattening' food, and stopping before it gets too big. The fish will beg for the junk food but if it grows too large, it'll swallow the orb and then escape into the ocean around the island," Delta said and looked at the two screens, awaiting their response.

"I suspect some food will have an interesting reaction for the fish?" Nu asked and Delta could feel him imagining an innocent bowl of troll soup being laid nearby for someone to find. Delta just grinned as she opened the menu to reveal a set of upgrades, courtesy of Prim sorting them.

Fish Island: You're in the barrel, not the fish.

An island set to test the rationale and self-control of adventurers by giving them tasks of looking after something other than themselves.

Cursed Orb: If the fish is killed and the orb retrieved. Those adventurers will automatically ascend to Threat level 1. Cost 50 mana.

Mushroom buffet: The following mushrooms will grow. Cost 10 DP

• Lavashroom: if fed to the fish, causes it to belch light fire and eye searing spice.
• Frostshroom: if fed to the fish, causes it to belch snow and freeze the surface of the pond, forcing the adventurers to remove it to feed the fish more.
• Starshroom: if fed to the fish, causes it to glow majestically and feel happy.

Troll Soup: a bowl of troll soup sometimes appears to be offered to the fish. If fed to the fish, it will become enraged and slap one or two of the adventurers before returning to its pond. It will feel like being slapped by a troll. Cost 30 DP.

Nutritious Berries: A small but nice meal. The fish only eats so many before ignoring more. 5 DP.

Honey from the Bees: An assortment of honeys can be offered. 20 DP

• Red Honey: causes the fish to develop a taste for meat.
• Blue Honey: causes the fish to to turn invisible.
• Green Honey: causes the fish to become money hungry.
• Yellow Honey: causes the fish to fire bees at the nearest people.

Divine Popcorn: A special food that appears rarely. If offered to the fish, the fish turns golden and blesses the adventurers with the orb and good fortune. Almost strong enough to cancel Waddle's curse. 50 DP

The Trophy of the Fishgeon: If one adventurer has any item won from a faction inside the Fishgeon, the fish of this island enchants it. 40 DP.

The Stink of Vengeance: If on any threat level other than base, this fish's pond becomes a deep tunnel that transforms the fish into the Meguitar Fish. 50 DP

Delta watched as mushrooms popped out of the soil followed by lush berry bushes that brought life to the island along with dripping hives of honey with a distinct lack of bees. Hidden between some rocks is a bowl filled with troll soup curdling the mana that came near it.

The fish in the pond looked hungrily at all the offerings but they were formed well outside its reach. Delta felt a little sad so she built a secret little food dispenser at the bottom of the pond that would give it some snacks with no effects to get it through its hunger pangs.

The fish wriggled and looked to be dying in an effort to convince Delta to hand over some honey or maybe some leftovers from Fera's kitchen. It was cute and pathetic, but Delta knew it was only faking it for the attention and food.

"I made you, I know you're acting," Delta said, her hands reaching for berries despite her words.

Somehow, the fish's eyes began to shimmer and sparkle like a little puppy dog and Delta's steel resolve began to corrode.

That was when Nu dumped the troll soup into the pond without any hesitation.

Over the screams and the sounds of screens being slapped, Delta considered Fish Island a success!