Tunnel Rat

Chapter 73: It's the End of the World as we know it, and I feel fine.

Chapter 73: It's the End of the World as we know it, and I feel fine.

New Plan Step 1: Delay!

Later, Belinda would always wonder how she got people to believe that she actually had a plan. Yet somehow her speech, the rousing music of the choir, and the desire for a first-ever-world-boss-kill and phat loots did the trick. The players in her raid got back in the fight, and that gave heart to the miners and rangers.

This time though, they didn't try to hurt the boss. They fought in control, dodging its attacks by using annoying rogues instead of tanks. Squint led that group, proving to all that he was both the most annoying, and also very hard to kill. Anyone with the ability to taunt the boss was at the back and sides, constantly trying to get the monsters attention and make it spin in their direction.

Since Uthneragrubban was taking no damage, she ate less, and didn't need to unleash her devastating seismic attack.

The Choir moved close to the fight, their magic adding luck to dodges, speed to tired muscles, and healing to non-lethal wounds. They still lost people, but at a slower rate.

Belinda hoped they could just last long enough.

New Plan Step Two: Build a better Boss Trap

A dozen and a half Deep Rock Engineers jogged past the fight and headed to a spot in the cavern where the roof was high and the stalactites huge. Milo planted a flag made from a red handkerchief and long piece of quarter-inch piping.

"This is the spot." He pointed to seven of the stalactites. "And those are what we need to get to work on."

Half-Pipe looked skeptical. "I understand what you need done Senior Engineer, no problem there. But first I need to install rocket jets on my boots."

"No rocket jets in my pocket, sorry Half-Pipe. We do this the old-fashioned way. I'm going to drive pitons in the ceiling and drop ropes at each location. You'll need to climb up, set your anchors, and get to work. Throttlecog, you mind giving me a boost?"

The burly dwarf laughed and limbered up his throwing arm. "Glad to!" One armored hand grabbed Milo by the back of his shirt, and the other took hold of his belt. With a mighty "Heave-Ho!" he tossed Milo to the ceiling. Hasty bets had been made as to whether he'd fall short or bounce off the ceiling the first time. Only Two-Screws had taken "Stays Up There" and he pocketed quite a bit of cash from grumbling brothers.

Milo hit the ceiling, but his claws grabbed hold of the rock securely. He slammed his pick into the rock, inserted the piton and sealed the hole with 'instant-stone'. Within two minutes he had dropped down the first rope and then to the amazement of anyone watching, crawled across the ceiling to the next stalactite. Two-Screws started climbing the rope and got to work.

One by one the anchors were set and ropes let down to waiting dwarves. Half-Pipe was still grumbling. "Damn, I hate climbing rope."

Cogswell and Sprocket laughed at him. "You wouldn't know what to do with them Half-Pipe, and you'd complain they didn't come with a user’s manual. Both dwarves looked up at the ceiling. Cogswell yelled out. "Second Star on the Right and straight on 'til Morning". Then flame and smoke spurted from both his and Sprockets boots and they ascended slowly to the ceiling on pillars of fire.

Half-Pipe watched them go and yelled at them. "Damned show offs! You should have brought enough for the rest of us." Then he began to climb his rope and get to work.

New Plan Step Three: Get the Ogre On Board

"I'm not going to tell you again! NO! You can't go messing around with my harpoon. My Grandpappy found it and was a Monster Hunter. My Pappy was too! And now I'm a Monster Hunter. And all of us killed our monsters without help from little rats with big plans. Now get lost or I'll rip off your legs and eat them."

Captain Pike was being difficult. Milo didn't seem to be able to convince him.

Shift-Stick butted in to the conversation when Milo tried to explain the plan for the 5th time. "Back off a bit Milo. You don't understand how close you are to being piquant aftertaste. Ogres don't make threats about eating. You're really lucky the Captain here hasn't turned you into lunch yet."

Milo persisted. They didn't have time for this! "But.."

Shift-Stick put a hand on his mouth. "Nope, not another word out of you. You're being rude. Ogres aren't greedy like most folks. They only ever own a few things they care about. For the Captain here, that's his harpoon. And a fine weapon it is! That harpoon is talked about in every cheap bar and pirate dive on the western ocean! It's killed monsters for three generations."

Pike started to relax, smiling. Hunting monsters might be what he liked to do best, but hearing people tell his stories was a close second.

"Why, his Grandpappy killed a Void Whale. No one even knew what they were until he dragged the one he killed into port. It took three ships to tow it. Only someone armed with a fell weapon of death like that harpoon could have done it. Yep, old Captain Jaggedtooth was a legend for sure. And then he passed down that Legendary weapon to his son, Gutspew. Captain Gutspew killed the Great Walking Clam and the Black Kraken. Sure proof that he wielded a mighty magical weapon! Monster Slayers first class, both of them"

"And now Captain Pike has this mighty weapon. It's his pride and joy, and I'm sure he's going to do great things with it! So don't you be messing with it, Milo. Some things are off limits even to crafty magical engineers like you!"

Captain Pike was waiting for Shift-Stick to continue, but the dwarf just silently wagged a finger at Milo, who looked down at his feet and tried to think of another plan.

"You know, I've already killed some monsters! Did you hear about the Old Bear of Winterguard? What about that big croc? That thing had teeth a foot long."

Shift-Stick turned back to the Captain and smiled. "Oh, yeah. Great stories! Not many Monster Hunters could have killed those beasts. Well, unless they had a weapon like yours. Good job on those."

Pike scowled. "I'm not liking your tone for some reason, you little beard-braider! Those were monsters like no one sees."

Shift-Stick shrugged. "No one except everyone here. I mean, this is a World Boss! That's exciting. Even worth dying for."

Pike looked over at the monster currently fighting a hundred people. "Well, that bear was pretty tough, and I fought it alone!"

Shift-Stick started walking away. "Alone, except for your enchanted harpoon. I mean, you've got a great lineage, don't get me wrong. Not everyone can live up to their Grandpappy. Trust me, I understand. But let's be serious here. You didn't kill a Void Whale and you'll be remembered for a bear, a lizard, and not being able to kill a World Boss."

Pike's face was purple with rage. "Damn your scurvy, pox-ridden tongue! I tried! Even my harpoon can't put a hole in the beastie!!"

Shift-Stick paused. "Hmm, that is a point. A shame really, because if you found a way to kill it, then people would know it was your skill and not just the harpoon that let you do it. But that's not worth letting some annoying little engineer put a rune or two on your weapon."

The Ogre advanced a couple of steps. "Don't you be telling me what to do! If I want to have some idiot put some magic on my weapon, that's up to me." He grabbed Milo by the arm, nearly dislocating it. "Let's get a move on, you. I've got a monster to kill and you're going to help me do it!

New Plan Step 3.5: Shift-Stick has a minor breakdown and goes to find something to drink.

New Plan Step 4: Milo makes shit up as he goes.

At Pike's insistence, Milo tried to inscribe a rune of velocity on his harpoon. It wasn't going well. The metal of the harpoon was incredibly hard and didn't want to take the inscription. He didn't dare carve it with his claws. He had painted on the rune using a luminous paint The Engineer had in his Arcane Workshop. It should have stuck to the metal. The rune should have held his mana.

But it wasn't working right. He could feel that the rune was fragile. Still, it was the best he could do. With the added velocity from the rune, Pike should be able to toss that weapon through a dozen feet of solid rock. All Milo wanted needed was a wound deep enough that the harpoon wouldn't pull out.

Vary ran up. "Senior Engineer, sir! The brothers told me the jobs a good one. All ready to go on their end."

Milo was impressed, that was fast! "And how close is Uthneragrubban to the flag?"

Vary thought about it and stepped back a dozen steps. "Maybe the same distance from me to you. That's good right? It's hard to slow it down much."

Milo smiled at Vary. "That's perfect. Now go inform Harry and The Engineer and see if they have anything to add to the plan. The Captain and I are moving into position."

New Plan Step 5: Improvise

The Engineer listened to Vary, then turned to the troll. "He's worried and needs time. We need to put that beastie on the mark and keep it there."

Harry moved to the back of the modified excavator. He began pouring strange liquids into a new fuel tank The Engineer had just welded into place. Some were fuel cans from the Arcane Workshop. But one large container was a myconic concoction made from mushrooms Harry tore out of his own skin.

The back had been torn open and new machinery was visible. The scrap had been welded to the front of the machine. From inside came the sound of an over-stressed boiler.

Vary was handed a paint can similar to what Milo was trying to use to paint runes. At Harry's urging he painted huge letters on the side that read "Eat my Shrooms!!"

The Engineer got inside and yelled out. "Belt in if you're coming Vary. Pull the cord Harry, and hold on." Vary made his decision. Better to die an engineer than to watch from the sidelines and miss out.

Harry put a leg over the top of the excavator, riding it like a child's toy. He reached back and grabbed the rip cord, pulling hard and starting the fuel pump that fed power to the tracks. The rear ones were barely turning, but the front spun fast and churned up the rock.

"Hold on tight boys. I can't slow down the tracks or the boiler will blow us to smithereens. Whatever accelerant you added works a mite too well I'm thinking. But Boom-Boom will want the recipe on sure."

The huge machine slowly built-up speed as it headed towards the fight.

New Plan Step Six: Did we have a step six?

Uthneragrubban advanced up the cavern, despite anything the raid of players could do. She bent to take a large bite of stone that included a small flag. Above her, dangling from the ceiling were dozen engineers. Songs of courage and valor rang out, and the last bottle of wine was passed around.

The fate of a city was waiting for a large, impatient ogre and a nervously confident rat who was sure that his time he'd be able to make the rune stick.

"It's not working, is it." Captain Pike looked down at Milo, took a long drink from his flask, and tossed the empty container at Uthneragrubban. "Face it kid; sometimes you lose. I've always known that. You can't kill everything with a sharp metal stick."

"It was a good plan! Force increases with velocity. I just need the rune to work, then even though the harpoon isn't as hard as the crystal, it has a chance of cleaving along the lines of the structural planes." Milo was wracking his brain, but he simply didn't know enough about rune magic yet.

"I don't know about stuckyplanes but yeah, that thing is made of hard stuff. Nothing I know of can cut that thing's core."

Milo sat up and reached into his pocket, withdrawing small slivers of blue crystal. Pike's eyes narrowed. "Looks like you might though. What cut that?"

Milo held up his hand, and hard bony plates covered his arm, turning his fingers into claws. Glowing runes moved across the bones. Pike whistled. "Bone-Beast Claws. Holy shit. You met one? I thought Grandpappy was just making up shit. But that's what my Crittersense is telling me."

"I've got an idea, but you might not like it." Milo looked up at Pike. The ogre handed him the harpoon. "Screw what I don't like."

New Plan Step Seven: Cut the Cake

From the darkness of the cavern, the warriors fighting Uthneragrubban heard a roaring sound. Approaching them was a nightmare of metal, ridden by the biggest troll they'd ever seen and belching out smoke and flame from it's rear.

No one had to be told to get out of the way. Uthneragrubban stared at the thing but didn't react. Speed was not the creatures forte. The Shroom-mobile slammed into the monster hard, shattering its armor, and driving it to its knees. Steam vented and the drill started to turn.

The Engineer yelled. "I'm putting all the power to the drill. It can't cut open this thing, but I don't want the boiler to explode yet. You two best get out of here!"

Vary scramble from the machine, shaken by the crash but relatively unhurt. Harry reached inside, grabbed The Engineer and flung him thirty paces. "Trolls can heal from near anything. Dwarves can't."

Uthneragrubban regained her feet and began to beat on the machine, tearing losse great chunks of metal. Harry reached in and tore loose something as well - the main steam pipe leading from the boiler. "Time to see how you like a steam bath."

Scalding steam sprayed over Uthneragrubban, hurting it not in the least. Other than her crystal core and rocky armor heating up, it caused no damage. Above, the engineers slammed down the faceplates of their armored suits. As the steam vented from the boiler, the Troll started to cook. Chunks of Harry flaked off and were blown away. As the steam cleared, he looked like a large stalk of cooked asparagus. Uthneragrubban brought down both claws onto him, breaking his body into hundreds of small pieces that rolled away.

And then the World Boss took a step forward.

Forty-feet behind Uthneragrubban, Captain Pike prepared to throw. He'd watched as Milo grabbed the harpoon, and the bone from his arms had flowed onto the tip of the harpoon and then slowly covered the first third of the weapon. More and more bone flowed out of Milo. He ignored notifications and warnings putting more and more of himself onto the weapon.

When he could do no more, he threw all of his mana into the weapons while chugging down two mana potions and desperately wishing for a nice chunk of creamy Havarti. He finished just as Harry was finished.

"That's all I can do. Throw hard and the runes will trigger and add velocity."

Pike smiled grimly. "And having Bone-Beast for a cutting edge sure doesn't suck." Pike threw everything he had into the throw. Every special skill he'd even learned as a monster hunter was used, increasing the chance of a critical hit, or of damaging a vital organ. The harpoon sailed towards the monster.

And then glowed as the runes of velocity activated and shot the weapon forward faster than a ballista. A sharp crack made players and miners cover their ears in pain, and many would be deaf for a week. Sound waves weren't happy if you ran faster than they did. The harpoon broke the sound barrier and unleashed a sonic boom under the city.

No-one but Pike and Uthneragrubban were left standing. The Ogre had a big, dumb smile on his face as he saw his harpoon embedded in the world boss. He'd thrown so hard that the tip had erupted from her front armor. Lightning flared up and down the crystalline body, slowly fading everywhere but along the top of the spine, its arms, and head.

As Milo had hoped, the harpoon had been encouraged by the monster hunter's skills to find the small chance of cleaving the crystal of Uthneragrubban's body the way a jeweler cuts a diamond. The spine of the World Boss was shattered and it was paralyzed until it could heal. And before that happened, the trap was sprung.

A cable running to the lanyard on Pike's harpoon was pulled taunt. That cable ran to a system of pulleys that ran to seven other cables. Those cables were connected to seven large chunks of rock that until now had been hanging from the ceiling of the cavern.

"Fire in the Hole."

Small mining charges ringing the base of each stalactite exploded. The stone cracked along the lines that had already been wedges pounded into the stone. With a series of loud cracking sounds, the stalactites broke free and fell, each adding tons of tension to the cables. Uthneragrubban was incredibly heavy, but not as heavy as the seven chunks of ceiling rock.

Engineer apprentices do hundreds of problems like this preparing for their tests. Usually though, it was a suspension bridge they had to lift, not a world boss.

Rock went down, the Word Boss went up. Uthneragrubban was pulled forty feet into the air where there was no stone to eat, and even if it could generate the power for an attack, it was too high for the power to reach the stone.

One of the dwarven miners fingered his copperhead talisman and looked at the boss. "Let's have a party. We have a pinata."