We Are Legion (We Are Bob)

Book 3: Chapter 5: Bushwhacked

Book 3: Chapter 5: Bushwhacked

Bob

March 2224

Delta Eridani

We hoisted the pigoid carcass up, suspended from spears, doing our best to act oblivious to the other group that we knew were watching us. I checked the monitor windows in my heads-up display. We definitely had a covert audience, and they outnumbered us twelve to six. I couldn’t tell my crew things I shouldn’t know, but I could be prepared in case the others did something unexpected.

As we started our march back to Camelot, I couldn’t help noticing that my crew were really, really terrible actors. Overly loud comments, uttered with exaggerated inflection, would have made a stage director up and quit on the spot.

I needn’t have worried, though. Fred and his gang probably weren’t listening anyway. They stepped out, front and rear, just like last time.

Fred looked at me, standing in lead spot, and smiled his nasty smile. “Well, Robert. I see you’ve caught my lunch for me. And you don’t have the big guy to protect you today. Why don’t you go ahead and put up a fight, this time? I’d like that.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Well, first, Fred, Donald didn’t need to protect me last time. You’re just not very good. And if it’s a fight you’re looking for, today’s your lucky day.”

And with that, eighteen Camelot hunters, including Donald, stepped out of the bush behind Fred’s gang. The Caerleon group went into a defensive crouch. Several of them tried to inch away and had to be poked with spear tips. In short order, we had them herded into a small group.

Fred sneered at me. “You think this is going to protect you? You won’t always have your friends around, kuzzi.”

“Neither will you, Fred.”

Fred jerked, taken aback. “What?”

“Just what I said. I can wait, and I can watch, and eventually you’ll go take a pee or something without your friends covering your ass.” I leaned in close. “And I’ll cut your throat before you even know I’m there.” I turned to the rest of the group. “This goes for all of you. You go to war with us, you’ll be watching your backs the rest of your lives. I never forget. And I never forgive.”

Fred laughed, a short sharp bark. “Nice talk. Nothing behind it, though.”

“Really?” I smiled at him, and before he could react, I jabbed him in the same place as last time. Down he went.

It wasn’t a fair fight, of course. I operated at computer speeds, and I was inhabiting an android body with electronic reflexes and several times the strength of a live Deltan. But a fair fight wasn’t the point. I wanted them to stop stalking Camelot hunting parties. I just needed to make their mortality clear to them.

I looked around at the Caerleon gang. They appeared a lot less defiant, now.

“Today, we’ll let you off with a warning. And without your spears. Next time, it’s going to hurt a lot more.” I signaled to a couple of the guys, and they began collecting spears. Fred’s gang was thoroughly cowed now, and didn’t put up any resistance.

We sent them off, then turned to head back to Camelot.

Donald walked beside me. “Damn, Robert, that was impressive. But I don’t think Fred is that easily dissuaded.”

“You’re right, Donald. But most of his followers will be. People like Fred need followers. I’m hoping this will pull his teeth.”

Donald nodded, then started up a marching chant, and everyone else joined in.

I wished I was as confident as I sounded.