We Are Legion (We Are Bob)

Book 5: Chapter 25: Building the Quiniverse

Book 5: Chapter 25: Building the Quiniverse

Bob

October 2342

Heaven’s River

Anec and I stood behind Theresa, gazing down at the empty chaise. “Ready?” she said. Getting no response, she flipped the virtual switch, and a Quinlan appeared on the furniture.

He opened his eyes and slowly turned his head, taking in his surroundings, ending with us. “Am I dead?” he asked.

Theresa glanced back at me, and I nodded. “Original you is dead,” she said, sticking to the script. “You are very much alive in a digital form.”

The Quinlan—Herbie, according to my translated notes—sat up. “I feel normal. Actually, I feel great.” He flexed an arm experimentally. “My arthritis has stopped paining me.”

“Welcome to the Quiniverse,” Theresa responded, extending a hand.

He took it and stood. “What now?”

“Well, that’s a long story with some lessons to be learned.” She turned to us. “This is Bob, who you might know as the Bawbe, and this is Anec, who you would know as the Administrator. I am Theresa Sykorski, first citizen of the Quiniverse. Come, let us set you up with your own home, and I’ll teach you the basics.” She looked at Anec and me. “Gentlemen.”

It was a dismissal. She was very good at that. Anec and I glanced at each other and popped out, to leave Theresa with her new pupil.

*****

It was a full hour later when I received a knock from Theresa and invited her in. She appeared in human form, sighed, and dropped into a beanbag chair. I couldn’t figure that out. I thought beanbags were okay, but for almost everyone else, they seemed to be the ultimate relaxation furniture. It even transcended species, apparently.

“That was draining,” she said, exhaustion clear in her voice. She reached over and patted me absently on the arm. “Not physically, of course, but there’s just so much information to impart before the ex-Quinlans can do anything for themselves.”

I nodded thoughtfully. “Really, we should be able to automate at least some of that. I’ll talk to Anec and see if he can instantiate an AI with enough awareness to be able to teach but not self-aware enough to be a philosophical or moral problem. There’s no reason for you to suffer through that every time someone transitions.”

“Not to mention that the numbers would swiftly get out of hand.”

“Let’s hope so.” I paused. “I should also check with the human post-life arcologies and see what they have in terms of indoctrination. It won’t be a full solution since those businesses allow a lot less capability for their clients, but it’ll be a start.”

Theresa nodded, and we shared a few mils of silence. Then she said, “I’d like to try out one of the quinnies.”

I raised my eyebrows, momentarily taken aback. But really, should I have been surprised? Theresa now understood on an intellectual level that my physical form in Heaven’s River was essentially a robot. It shouldn’t have come as any surprise that she’d be curious.

“We can lend you Bridget’s unit. Longer term, you should have a custom unit made for you, with your features, for visiting your family.”

“I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to that or not.”

I laughed. “You could talk to Howard. He was the first of us to ‘go public’ in a manny. He’d understand your concerns, and I think his perspective would help you.”

“I will do that. I’ve added it to my TODO list. I’m not sure if I should thank you or slap you for that little innovation, by the way.”

I grinned back at her. “I can’t survive without it. Your mileage may vary.”

She laughed and stood. “Then let us proceed. I understand I need a connection address?”

*****

I found myself in my Quinlan manny, in a dark room. Anec had arranged permanent storage for us, rent-free. Beside me, Bridget’s quinny was stirring.

Theresa looked around. “Not the highest quality of residence, Bob. You can’t afford windows?”

“Blame Anec. I don’t think he sees the point. Anyway, this is just storage space.” I opened the door and motioned her through. We found ourselves in the common area of a storage locker business. Like many things, the Quinlan equivalent wasn’t quite the same. Quinlans did need to store stuff, but they didn’t necessarily need a separate residence, being a mostly self-sufficient predator. These storage units allowed their clients to set up sleeping arrangements if they wanted. No cooking, though. Fire regulations were universal, it seemed.

We walked out into a sunny, late-afternoon Heaven’s River day. It had been a while, and I was momentarily taken back to my first day here, just after we’d broken out of the transit station. The view was less spectacular, what with us being in town at the moment, but the sky was blue, the sun was warm, and the clouds were few. As Theresa looked around, I had a thought. “We should also visit Quin at some point. We left a couple of quinnies there, although one is a little the worse for wear, thanks to Howard.”

“Mmm. Intellectually, I am fascinated. Emotionally, it’s somewhat terrifying, to be honest. I’ll work my way up to that.”

I nodded, then pointed to a nearby pub. “Want to try some real squiz?”

“I do love squiz.”

“That makes one of us.”

Theresa laughed. “I’ve gotten quite fond of spaghetti and meatballs, if it helps. Perhaps we can arrange some cross-cultural contamination.”

“Now there’s a thought.”

We reached the pub entrance and sauntered in, trying to blend with the crowds. I noticed changes immediately—like electric lights. And background music. What was it with drinking establishments and music, anyway? Quinlans had far better musical sense than humans, in my opinion, so the music wasn’t jarring, but it was still something you had to talk over, which meant everyone was talking too loud.

The furniture hadn’t changed, though. Early modern picnic table. We picked a spot, and Theresa signaled a waitperson, who brought us menus. Huh. Another change. And an improvement, as far as I was concerned.

Then came the real surprise. “Hamburgers.” I pointed at the menu. “They have hamburgers.”

Theresa glanced at the menu item and made a noncommittal “mmm” sound.

“What, you don’t find that surprising?”

“Not really, Bob. The ground-up land meat is new. The bun is a little different, but we had sandwiches before. You do know we have access to human culture now, right?”

“Ooh, sarcasm. I am devastated.” I smiled back at her. “It would be really great if they had French fries, though.”

“We don’t really have a potato equivalent. Our starchy vegetables are too fibrous. Although I think someone has formed a company to try to grow Earth vegetables.”

“Really?”

“Mm-hmm. Not sure how well it will do. We’re not anywhere near as omnivorous as humans. Honestly, you’re like a bunch of garburators. Anything that can fit in goes in.”

I laughed and signaled the waitperson again.

*****

After our meal, we went for a walk around the town. I noticed entire blocks being torn down and rebuilt, with the replacements obviously higher-tech. Theresa saw me staring and explained, “I’ve talked to Anec about this. He decided that towns should be upgraded a block at a time, with residents and businesses being shuffled into the new buildings as they’re completed.”

“And people are okay with this?” I replied, disbelief in my voice. “I tend to think of Quinlans as being more hair-trigger belligerent than humans, and that’s saying a lot.”

“No, Enoki, Quinlans are more polite overall, I think. But when we get angry, we don’t bother with the posturing and threats that humans seem to prefer as a first step. We jump straight to the fighting part.”

“But the bluffing is a useful evolutionary development that prevents too much bloodshed.” I cut myself off and made a waving motion. “Never mind. The point is that Anec is arbitrarily making decisions and going ahead with them, and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of pushback.”

“True,” Theresa said. “But of course, we’ve been putting up with him doing that for several hundred years. And so far, his decisions seem to be producing the results he says they will. Why would you fight against someone who is doing exactly what they promise?”

“It’s … ” I frowned. “I’m not sure if it’s the fault of the auto-translator or what, but I tend to think of you as a short, furry human. But you’re not. And some of the Quinlan attitudes about things still catch me by surprise.”

Theresa laughed and playfully shoulder-checked me. “Different biologies, Enoki. For instance, your lack of a mating season, as such, means you’re essentially always evaluating others for potential mating. It colors all your decisions.”

“Wow, uh … ” I glanced sideways at her, something much easier to do in Quinlan form. “I guess so. It’s obvious now that you point it out. But that’s strictly a bio-human thing.”

“Of course.” She winked at me. “And I’m old enough to be your grandmother, anyway.”

I chuckled dutifully, but I was glad Garfield wasn’t around.