Why Did I Become the Villainess?

Chapter 135 - : Hearts Breaking

 I immediately get up from my bed, panting. The dream seems surreal. Prince Fraser and Princess Paislee having a secret relationship? I smile bitterly. 

 It is what is supposed to happen, Csille. Come on, cheer up. We still have plenty of time to prepare myself for that. 

 I sigh. I look at the clock hanging on the wall, and my eyes immediately widen when I realized what time is it. It's already twelve in the afternoon. It's the reason why I'm starving. 

 I immediately freshen up myself and check the dining room, but there's no one inside. I check the kitchen, and I see two maids doing the dishes. They immediately bow their head when they see me.

 "Lady Csille! Why did you leave your room? Are you okay now?" One of the maids asked anxiously. She keeps looking at my back. It's as if she is expecting someone will pop out from behind me.

 "I'm starving. Also, you don't have to worry about me. I'm already okay. Where are the others?" 

 The two maids look at each other before they drag one of the chairs to let me sit. "We apologize, Lady Csille. Someone is assigned to bring you your lunch. That person probably forgot it. We'll prepare your lunch immediately. Do you have specific food you like to it?"

 I smile at the maid. She looks so anxious. She probably thought I would be mad at her. "Anything would do." 

 One of the maids immediately calls the chef while the other continues to wash the dishes. 

 "Where are the others? Are they training again? And did the Crown Prince said something about me?"

 The maid stops what she is doing and faces me. It's rude not to face the person you are talking to. "All of them get up early to continue their training. The Crown Prince didn't say anything about you, Lady Csille. But Mister Leander told us that we should call him if you wake up." The maid's eyes widen. "We need-"

 I wave my hand at the maid. "No need. I'll go to the library after eating my lunch. Just continue what you are doing."

 I immediately get out of the kitchen. I don't want the maid to see the tears that are starting to stream from my eyes. 

 He really doesn't care about me. He hates me now. I smile bitterly at myself. Finally, he hates me now. But my heart couldn't help but wish that he would care for me again. I missed those days when I got fever he will rush to me and takes care of me. 

 In just a moment, everything was gone. He doesn't even care if I didn't eat breakfast or lunch. He doesn't even care if I will die with the fever I have. He doesn't care about me now. He's probably mad at me because I made him hope that we can work things out, but in the end, I break up with him. 

 I could feel my heart starts to break into pieces. It hurts. It really hurts. It hurts to the point that I want to run towards him, hugs him tightly, and take back my words. It hurts soo much that I want to be selfish. But I know I cannot do that. No matter what I do will be the Villainess, and nothing can change that fact. 

 I take a deep breath to try to control my emotions. I cannot let my emotions get to me. We have a lot of problems we need to solve right now. I have no time for this.

 After eating my breakfast, I immediately check the library to talk to Rufus. I have something to talk to him. It's something important, and only Rufus can help me.

 However, I didn't see anyone in the library. They are all probably training in the training ground. 

 I suddenly felt guilty. I only trained for a couple of days after we came here, but the four of them are always training every day. Aren't I too lazy? 

 I check the library again before deciding to go to the etiquette room. I'll probably just train for the whole afternoon. Although I don't have to train much because the real Csille will be the one who will be competing. And I don't have to worry because the real Csille can definitely top the etiquette without a problem.

 I am now walking past the garden that doesn't have many flowers. My steps halted when I realized there's one flower that stood out. It's a striped carnation. 

 I walked towards the flower and squatted down in front of it. I touch its petals and smile. This flower definitely describes my feelings for Prince Fraser.

 Striped Carnation. The flower of refusal. In the flower language, it can mean 'Sorry I Can't Be with You' or 'Wish I Could Be with You'. 

 I smile bitterly at the flower. I really wish I can be with him. But I know I cannot. I definitely can't. I want to be selfish, but what can my selfishness result into? The death of all the people? What's the use of me being happy if everyone will die in return. Including him. I cannot bear to see that happen.

 I get up and take a look at the flower before walking straight to the Etiquette room. What welcomes me is a clean room. A proof that I rarely visit this room to train. I shake my head. I really need to start training. Although I want to avoid Prince Fraser, I cannot affect the competition. We definitely need to win this. 

 I look around and frown. "What would I do? I already trained for flower arrangements and tea ceremonies. Should I do embroidery now?" 

 I check the cabinets if there are things I need for embroidery, but I couldn't find any. Where would Eve put the things for embroidery?

 I look at the storage room and smile. Maybe she stores it in there. I immediately check the storage room. It took me a lot of time to find what I need because there's a lot of things stored in the storage room. Things that are needed for the Etiquette category. And since I wasn't the one who arranged things here, so I find it difficult to search around it. 

 I smile to myself when I find what I needed. I already have the sewing needle, embroidery thread, embroidery scissors, embroidery hoop, and fabric. 

 I am about to get out of the storage room when I heard the door opens. I frown. Who is that person?

 I don't know why but I don't feel like showing myself to that person. What if it's Prince Fraser? I would rather be stuck in here than to face him. After all, I have said to him last time? I still don't want to see him. I'm afraid I will change my mind. I'm afraid I will rush towards him and hug him tight. 

 I heard movements outside. The person is probably walking around the room. My eyes immediately widen. I immediately lock the storage room so that person can't come inside. No matter who is that person is, I don't want to see him or her.

 Silence is the only thing I could hear after. Did the person left already? But why didn't I heard the door open and close? 

 I was startled when I heard a faint sound. I put my ear on the door to check what is that sound. My eyes widened when I realized that the sound is a sob. That person is sobbing. But why is that person sobbing? And who is the person? 

 The sobbing continues for a couple of minutes before that person started to talk. I covered my mouth when I realized who that person is.

 "Csille, why are you so unfair? I know I have done something wrong too. But why did you broke off to me just like that? It's as if I was never an important person in your life? Why is it soo easy for you to break up with me? Didn't you say you like me? Where is that like now? What happened?"

 I heard Prince Fraser said with a trembling voice. I even heard his voice break. I cover my mouth to muffled my sobs. I thought he didn't care already, but I was wrong. He still cares, but he forces himself not to care because I broke up with him already. 

 I silently slump on the floor. My knees are getting weaker. I thought that the pain I am feeling before is already too much, but after hearing Prince Fraser's words. I feel the pain triples. It really hurts. Damn. Why do I feel hurt like this? It is even painful than the first time I had my heart broken. He is just fourteen years old. Why does it hurts like this?

 I hear Prince Fraser continue to sobs outside. While I bite my lips to stop myself from sobbing too. I cannot let him know that I could hear him. 

 "Csille, I want to know why? I want you to tell me what should I do so I can fix this. I still want to be with you and only you. Please, I beg of you, tell me what I should do. I miss you already."

 I cry even harder when I heard what he said. How I wish I could do something to fix this. However, how can I fix something that isn't supposed to happen? How can I fix a mistake? 

 I miss him too. I really do. But what can I do? I am tied to the novel. Even he is tied to the novel. Even if I pushed this, there would come a time that he will fall in love with the female lead. So, why force something that will end in the dust? 

 I lean my head on the wall. I badly want to get out of this room and run to him. Tell him that I'm taking back my decision. That I don't want to break up with him. But my conscience wouldn't let me do it. 

 I'm sorry, Fraser. I'm sorry if I cannot do anything. Believe me, if only I have a choice, I wouldn't do this. But it's the only thing I can do for the two of us. For everyone. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for always hurting you. If I can only take away your pain, I would gladly take it. But I cannot do that. So, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I still like you. 

 "Csille, do you hate me? Do you hate me this much to even break up with me? I-I th-" his voice broke, and I feel my heart broke too. "I thought you wouldn't hate me? Didn't you promise me that? But why? Why does it feels like you hate me? I already told you I could compromise, right? I can. Just give me another chance, and I promise not to mess it up. Just another chance, Csille. All I am asking is a chance." He sobs again. 

 It's a good thing I couldn't see him right now, or else I would probably run to him and hugs him tight. 

 Chance? Fraser, if I can only decide for myself, I would give you a chance. Even the chance of a lifetime. But I don't have any other option, Fraser. It's the only thing I can do for you. I hope someday, you will realize why I am doing this.

 "It hurts, Csille. It really hurts that I couldn't even talk to you. While Rufus and Leander can talk to you whenever they want. Why? I am your fiancé. But why can't I talk to you? Why did it turn like this, Csille? I miss you. I really miss you."

 I bite my lips hard until it bleeds. I need to muffle my sobs. I don't want him to see me like this, or else I don't know if I could still control my heart. 

 "I miss you too, Fraser. I really do," I whispered to myself. I close my eyes and try to control my unstable. But how can I do that? If I can still hear Prince Fraser sobs.