Casual Heroing

Chapter 130: White

Some people say that animals are better than men – by men, I mean Humans. Seeing how the average proponent of such a statement is usually a single woman in her forties owning four to ten cats, it may have been confusing.

I like animals. I especially like cats. To me, it’s not the fact that they are aloof and otherworldly creatures but the fact that they are cute. That’s the selling point. Sure, some people see cats as arrogant masters of the world. But to me, they are just little kids trying to act as tyrants. If you take that seriously, it’s like kicking your nephew across the room when he asks you to play heroes and villains.

Plus, cats are kind of sleek. They are agile and can jump anywhere while landing on their feet. I like that concept. I find it very deep. And also funny when they land on their face.

By the way, the sad reality is that most people don’t train their pets. Cats, contrary to popular belief, are trainable. ‘Oh, Joey, but are they trainable like dogs?’ What? Are you asking me to measure on a non-existent scale how much they are trainable? Cats are animals, like dogs. Unless urban legends have gone to your head, you can teach them to behave the same way you teach dogs. As far as I know, some dogs are actually harder to train than cats.

As I enter the place, I hear a great commotion in the main room. The place is huge, almost as big as a small Walmart, which is huge, obviously. And there are many people in leather uniforms taking care of animals or just showing them to possible clients.

“I am tired of you! If you do that again, I will grill you! I don’t care how much I paid! You can’t keep opening the other cages!”

Huh.

That sounds like cat behavior to me.

Let’s see.

I make my way forward, actually passing by many different cat ‘cages.’ I’m not sure I can call them cages since some of them are quite big, and they look more comfortable than my own room.

“Master Augustus, please, let her be! You know how she is!”

I hear a pleading voice while other clients try to ignore the riff-raff. Interesting; is this a common scene around here?

“I am tired! No one will buy this goddamn beast! I spent hundreds of golds on this idiotic animal! She just doesn’t listen! I’ve tried everything! Everything! I doubt anyone in Amorium has more levels than me! What should I do, Lucius? What?! Should I just resign and keep feeding her with expensive things? She’s bleeding me dry! She’s bleeding me dry; I say!”

Wow.

That’s a tantrum.

As I turn a corner in the huge pet store – and yes, I’m still amazed by the size of this establishment. In case you forgot, we are in medieval times. Who the hell needs a store this big for animal companions? Am I the only one finding this absolutely weird?

Stan and Princess Laura are behind me. Master Lakaris has stopped on the way to observe some cats. Lucillus and Antoninus are at the tail of our group.

When I turn the corner, I find myself looking at something weird.

Very weird.josei

A middle-aged man is being restrained by two younger people, both quite large and stocky. On the other side, on what looks like a big pedestal, there’s a…

A white pig?

The little fur on the thing is as white as it gets. It’s whiter than bringing your child to lacrosse practice. And as I look at it, its little azure eyes stare back at me, full of contempt.

“Boss, there are clients,” one of the two men whispers to whom I suppose is Augustus of ‘Augustus’s Friends.’

Augustus twists out of the two-men grasp and turns to me. However, as soon as he sees someone behind my back, he goes pale.

“For the World’s Tree, Princess! I’m so honored to have you here!” the man bows his head and almost starts crying. “I’m so sorry you had to see such a despicable moment of wretchedness!”

Princess Laura comes forward and just waves her hand, putting the matter to rest.

“It’s fine. My…”

Oh.

OH.

DID SHE JUST FREEZE?

“… friend, here,” she says after a second, “is looking for a pet. Probably, a cat. Would you mind helping us as soon as you are free from your current duties?”

The Princess can be nice, can’t she?

But what was that? What was that hesitation? Oh my, oh my.

“Absolutely, Your Highness. I’m just frustrated with a magical beast. I bought that little pig from a high level [Breeder]. Even he advised me not to since we often do business together. He told me that he couldn’t rein in her overbearing character. That little monster goes around at night and frees all the animals. Or just trashes the place to make me miserable. Plus, she eats a very complex diet of magical things! And she’s even picky! Oh, Princess—Your Highness, I’m sorry! I’m really not myself today. Just give me a moment to collect myself.”

I stroke my chin while looking at the white pig.

Then, I look at Stanimal.

He shakes his head with an expression pregnant with denial.

As I always say, when you read a lot, you see certain ‘narrative opportunities’ that are put in front of you. The more you dare, the more you get. And if a cat is a little clown on its own, this pig would be the entire circus, wouldn’t it?

Sorry, wouldn’t she?