Casual Heroing

Chapter 197: Side Effects

I have a question for you.

If you had to guess, what would you say is the most Human of activities? Maybe, the most Humanoid? But let’s keep it among us, flat-eared Humans, ok? What is the one thing, the one activity that we all share, regardless of age, sex, religion, or color?

“MOTHERFUCKER!”

“It’s all good. It’s part of the process. Your body is expelling the disease, so to say.”

“MY BODY IS SHITTING THE DISEASE, YOU GOLEM FETISHIST!”

I have no idea why that’s an insult, nor do I want to know.

It turns out that healing Antoninus’s mother is not a clean business. I knew I would encounter some problems, but I didn’t know I would be wiping shit off a grown woman’s ass. As you can imagine, filling her body with radiation is not the best for the rest of her system. Mostly, she’s been super weak with really bad shit. And do you know that most editors in the world would prefer if you never used the word ‘really’ in writing? Well, even your worst grammar-Nazi friend would agree with me if they could see, or even just smell, what I’m dealing with right now.

“Come on, Claudia. You are a big girl.”

“I HATE YOU!”

“I mean, I’m not happy about this either, you know?”

I cast another [Cleanse] when a new stream of fecal matter—I’ll save you the hairy details, ok?

Long story short, the treatment is working. However, the side effects are bad. Following a much-needed series of experiments, I found that the dispersed radiation was minimal. Negligible in almost all cases. What’s the exception? Well, when I’m literally irradiating your body. That’s the goddamn exception.

Oh, Jesus, I just burped something that made my mouth taste like shit.

“Come on. We should be done in about a week.”

Another month has gone by with me secluded with a bunch of lunatics in a stupid tower. Also, Lucinda doesn’t like my plan for the future that much. She says it’s stupid and pointless. Meh. I should take a souvenir from this toilet for her.

Whatever, I still intend to go ahead with it.

See, you don’t always need to find pleasure in your work. Sometimes you do stuff to help or to understand something better. Do you think that nurses like their jobs? Hell no. Doctors? Do you have any idea what doctors have to go through every day? But they still save people. Police? Well, when they are not shooting the innocent, they do one hell of a job.

And so, I’m not finding much pleasure in this. But I know that I’m helping a person that would otherwise die. We both know it. But I’m not really fraternizing much with Antoninus’s mother. She’s a woman harder than a nail, probably able to literally bend steel with her arms once she’s back in shape. And even though she has been complaining a lot, she has gone through all the pain that I caused her with a smile. She knows that the treatment is working. The curse is slowly fading. I’ve taken care of the most delicate spots in her body, but now I’m dedicated to the bigger bones.

The most challenging thing is not causing fractures and applying [Regenerate] at the right intervals. It takes a lot of effort and Mana. Hell, I have even gained a level while doing this. And not just in my main class! My [Researcher] class is making some progress as well!

“I’m good,” Claudia says while hoisting herself up from the toilet while I help her get back to bed. She can now walk with relative ease if I help her. We are taking care of her legs at the moment.

“Well, that’s all for today,” I tell her. I can’t wait to hit the sack, hoping Lucinda will cuddle me a little before falling asleep.

“Joey, can I ask you a question before you go?”

“Shoot.”

“What will you do when we are done, kid?”josei

“I’m not sure you are much older than me, are you? Isn’t Antoninus twenty-something? Whatever. Anyway, I’ve plans I can’t reveal. I’m not going to kill anyone, though. I mean, unless they attack me first, I guess.”

“I wasn’t asking that. I meant, are you going to help others with my condition?”

“There are not many people like you out there. But if I do meet someone with [Rottenbone], sure. I’ll help them. Free of charge.”

“You know, I could repay you with some…” Claudia, like the shameless Gold Ranker she is, winks at me.

“Oh, sure. Let Antoninus kill me because I had sex with his ill mother. Or wait. We don’t even need Antoninus; we can just wait for Lucinda to suffocate me in my sleep.”

“I won’t talk if you don’t.”

I sigh and rub my face.

“Adventurers,” that’s my only comment.

“You learn to have fun when you risk your life every day.”

“That’s why I sold baked goods to adventurers. They don’t save a penny. They burn through money so fast that I’m impressed. And I mean, a woman Adventurer must be even worse.”

Claudia laughs and nods.

“You bet. But noble-style clothes are only good if you don’t rip them during sex. Which I do.”

Here we go again.

“Whatever, I’m going to sleep,” I tell the woman.

“Oh, come on, Joey, you have already seen everything!”

Yeah, that’s true. But it was necessary for the treatment and to help her clean herself. She asked that I do it and not Lucinda. Now, I’m starting to doubt the motive for that choice.

“And you still haven’t answered! You became a Gold rank, but you still don’t enjoy life! You should get drunk and have mad sex all the time! Catch a disease or two in a brothel! What do you need a girlfriend for at your age!”

“I mean, I hear you. I don’t dislike the opportunity, but I’m busy with a lot of work.”

“Man, I’m becoming Lucinda,” I suddenly say with a shiver. “You know what, Claudia? Maybe you are right. I’ve been working a tad too hard lately. Maybe I should find something that relaxes me a bit.”

“I have quite the idea,” she says while pulling down the heavy bedsheets weakly.

“Yeah, sure. Goodnight!”

I run away from her room.