Fancy Me, Professor!

Chapter 249 - You're In Denial

Wang Lei found it amazing that he was actually finding it difficult to express himself to Pan An. With him experiencing this for the first time, he then thought that it was that very reason why he was unable to tell Pan An what he exactly feels. 

"You're in love with Yu Yan."

"What?"

Wang Lei scoffed, not wanting to accept what Pan An had said. 

"How are you able to say that I am in love with my secretary?" 

Pan An grinned, actually enjoying that he was able to tease Wang Lei this way. With him always being teased by Wang Lei especially with how he always wanted to bad mouth him for being a lovesick fool, now Pan An thought that it was his turn to tease him. 

Pan An propped a hand under his chin. 

"Do you want to read an online article that would support your disagreement?"

"Oh, stop it," Wang Lei said, rolling his eyes at him. "You know that those don't give the real explanations."

"Oh, you may never know," Pan An replied, his grin never leaving his face. "Why not check it out?"

Pan An then quickly opened his phone's browser and typed in his keywords to find an article. With him already clicking on the article found on How Do You Know If You Love Someone? Platonic or Romantic (healthline.com), Wang Lei stole his phone, however, started to read. 

***

Ask anyone if love is complicated, and there's a good chance they'll probably say, "yes," or "sometimes" at the very least.

Part of love's complications stems from the fact that it can be challenging when the person you love doesn't feel the same way — or when they do, but your relationship fails to take off.

Love can also complicate life because it takes different forms, and you might not immediately recognize which type of love you're feeling.

Deciphering your feelings and trying to identify exactly which type of love you feel — while tight in its grip — might not be the easiest task, but we're here to help.

Keep reading to learn more about how to tell these related, but still uniquely different, experiences apart.

What's the short answer?

Love doesn't always look the same.

Sometimes, it progresses through specific stages.

The first flicker of love, when you fall head over heels for someone, often seems more like infatuation, complete with plenty of excitement and nervousness.

If it's mutual? The euphoric blissTrusted Source many people experience can keep you and your partner completely wrapped up in each other. Over time, that just-fell-in-love feeling often transforms into something less charged, but more stable and lasting.

Higher-than-usual levels of hormones, like dopamine and norepinephrineTrusted Source, drive the intensity of these early feelings. Eventually, these surging feelings often settle into a deeper affection with the help of oxytocin, a hormone that plays a role in attachment.

But feelings of love don't always follow a linear path.

Maybe you fall for someone you just met, but you eventually realize the first blush of love has tinted your view. Once the first intensity fades, your feelings begin to wither without taking root.

You can also develop romantic love without experiencing euphoric, heart-pounding excitement. Someone who falls for their best friend, for example, might notice their long-standing platonic love become more romantic and sexually charged almost overnight.

And, of course, the love you feel for friends, or platonic love, can still run pretty deep — even though it doesn't involve any romantic or sexual attraction.

Are there really signs to look for?

People often talk about love as if everyone experiences it in the same way, but life experiences and relationship history can alter the course of "typical" romantic attraction.

If you've experienced relationship abuse or betrayal, you might feel cautious about letting your guard down again. This could temper the feelings of euphoria and impulsivity that often accompany the first stages of love.

In short, while there's no single way to fall in love, you'll probably notice a few key physical and emotional signs:

1. Your thoughts return to them regularly

Maybe you frequently think back to your last interaction or plan your next meeting. You want to tell them about your experiences every day: the great, the awful, and the ordinary.

If they're having a hard time, you may worry about their difficulties and brainstorm ways to help.

When spending time with family and friends, you might talk about them a lot and imagine how much your loved ones will like them, too.

2. You feel safe with them

Trust is generally a key component of love. If you've experienced relationship trauma or heartbreak before, you might assign particular importance to this sense of emotional safety.

When you see them, you might notice your tension relaxes, in much the same way as it does when you return home after a long day.

It's normal to want to protect yourself from pain. Feeling safe enough with someone to trust them with your personal weaknesses or vulnerabilities often suggests developing love.

3. Life feels more exciting

The rush of hormones associated with love can make everything seem more exciting, particularly when you know you'll see them soon. Time might seem to fly by when you're together and crawl like a turtle after they leave.

You might even notice renewed energy and interest in the mundane things you do every day. Folding laundry? Taking a walk? So much more fun when you're in love (especially when they're nearby).

4. You want to spend a lot of time together

Loving someone often means wanting to spend plenty of time with them, so you might find yourself craving their company more than ever before.

You might leave their company feeling somewhat unsatisfied, as if the time you spent together wasn't enough.

You may not care much about what you do together, simply that you are together.

Another key sign? Your interest in spending time with them doesn't depend on their mood or energy level. Even when they feel sad, cranky, or frustrated with life, you still want to show up and offer support.

5. You feel a little jealous of other people in their life

Jealousy is an emotion like any other. Generally speaking, it's what you do with jealousy that matters. Talking about your feelings never hurts, but you might want to skip the digital snooping and social media stakeouts.

When you love someone, you might fixate on the other people they spend time with and wonder about their relationship to each other, or worry about potential threats to your love, such as an attractive coworker they mention regularly or an old flame who's still part of their life.

Generally speaking, these worries tend to fade as trust develops.

How can you recognize platonic love?

Platonic love involves deep affection, but no romantic or sexual attraction. It's absolutely possible for people of any gender to maintain a friendship without sexual tension or attraction.

When you love someone platonically, you might notice some basic signs of love.

You might also, have similar interests, values, and goals, discuss emotions and relationships you have with others, support each other through difficulties, enjoy spending time together.

Embracing platonic love successfully requires you to set any romantic feelings aside. Loving platonically doesn't mean simply waiting and hoping the person will fall in love with you someday.

Good friendship behaviors can help you maintain platonic love. For example:

Communicate. Everyone has different communication needs, but you can maintain your closeness by calling or texting. When you do talk, try to spend at least as much time listening as you do sharing your own thoughts.

Set boundaries. Some platonic friends may be perfectly fine spending the night at your place, hanging out at all hours, or discussing the sexual details of your other relationships. Others may reserve these activities for romantic partners. Talking through boundaries can help you avoid any miscommunication.

Spend time together. Stay connected, even when you can't physically see each other, by planning online chats, video game sessions, or virtual movie nights.

Offer emotional support. Love and friendship can make it easier to weather life's challenges. Show your love by checking in with a friend or asking, "What can I do to help?"

***

"This is ridiculous!"

Wang Lei then put down Pan An's phone, the professor laughing out loud as he shook his head, not even bothering to get his phone. 

"You're in denial, I am very sure of that."

Wang Lei narrowed his eyes at Pan An. With him crossing his arms in front of his chest, he narrowed his eyes at him and made a comment about their conversation. 

"Why do I get the feeling that you really want to tease me and in a way, getting back at me with how I was teasing you before?"

Pan An smirked. With him nodding at him, he agreed as he nodded, further justifying his answer. 

"Yes. It's my turn to tease you now." 

He admitted, now putting his hand on Wang Lei's shoulder as his tone became more serious. 

"But do know… that I am also your concern friend and I'm willing to give you a real talk like how you always did when I was still a fool. I hope you won't turn a blind eye on your feelings now because I could tell… that this woman is slowly making its way to your heart."