Fancy Me, Professor!

Chapter 250 - You're Changing, Wang Lei

How can you recognize romantic love?

Loving someone romantically usually involves a desire for a many-faceted connection.

You value their personality and want their friendship. You might lust after them a little (though you can experience romantic love without ever desiring a physical relationship).

Maybe you find their looks appealing, but you mostly want to spend a lot of time with them because you value them as a whole person and want to develop a lasting emotional connection.

Try these tips to cultivate and maintain romantic love:

Practice open communication. Relationships require open honesty to thrive. Sharing feelings, setting healthy boundaries, and discussing relationship goals early on increases your chances of a lasting relationship.

Avoid getting swept away by lust. In the early days of love, you might dedicate a lot of time to thinking (and talking) about what you've already done between the sheets (or anywhere else) and fantasizing about future encounters. This is absolutely normal. Just make sure you're working toward an emotional connection, too.

Learn and grow together. If you want to make your love last, it's essential to really get to know each other. This might mean discussing dreams and goals, sharing challenges and successes, and trying new things. You maintain your own identities, but you also develop a shared third unit: the relationship itself.

Which type of love is more important?

Romantic and platonic love are two different things, but many people consider them equally valuable.

Humans need connection to survive, generally speaking. Some people go through life without ever experiencing romantic or sexual attraction, and that's OK. You can absolutely get the love you need from relationships with family and friends.

Others thrive with both friends and romantic partners in their lives. Perhaps you can't imagine life without romance and pursue relationships in the hopes of finding the right partner.

Your friends, however, remain part of your life even as partners come and go (often supporting you through breakups).

How do you know which one you want, if anything at all?

If you're experiencing confusing new feelings, you might have some uncertainty about how to handle them.

Falling for a friend, for example, can feel pretty terrifying. You think you could have a fantastic romance, but what if you end up losing the friendship instead?

Even when you love someone you know less well, you might wonder what your feelings mean. Do you truly want to develop a relationship? Simply get closer? Or, are your feelings just lust-driven?

Asking yourself the following questions can yield some insight:

Which type of connections do I find most appealing? Emotional, physical, or a combination of both, for example.

Can I see myself sharing my life with this person?

Do I want to experience different types of intimacy with them? Or do I just want more of what we already have?

Is a general desire for physical intimacy complicating my platonic love for them?

Do I actually desire romantic love, or is it something I'm pursuing because people think I should?

What now?

A sudden change in attraction or existing feelings for someone can pull the rug out from under you.

Not sure about the best way forward? You have a few options:

Talk about it.

You can't pursue any type of relationship until they know how you feel. If you're already friends, think back to how your friendship developed. You probably bonded over shared interests and one (or both) of you expressed the desire to spend more time together. Romantic relationships often develop similarly.

Preparing to share your feelings often involves some preparation for potential rejection. If you don't feel comfortable telling them in person, try a letter, but avoid email or text.

Once you feel ready, ask if they can set aside some time to talk instead of suddenly dropping it into casual conversation. Choose a time when the two of you have some privacy.

Don't forget to offer them space to sort through their own feelings, especially if you already have a platonic relationship. It may take time for them to evaluate and come to terms with their own feelings.

Consider other factors.

Before you confess your love, take a careful look at the situation. You can't help who you fall for, but you can help how you choose to handle your feelings:

Do they already have a partner? If so, you may want to hold off on sharing your love.

Are they a good friend's ex? Proceed with caution — particularly if the breakup hurt your friend or the relationship ended badly.

Has your friendship given you insight into bad behaviors? Maybe they lie to partners, ghost dates, or see multiple partners without openly discussing non-monogamy. People can change, yes, and it's tempting to believe your friendship and love will inspire that change. Just be sure to consider potential outcomes for your friendship if this doesn't happen the way you envision.

Let it lie.

Perhaps you decide you'd rather cherish your friendship than take a chance on anything more. That's entirely your choice. Remember: platonic love offers many of the same benefits as romantic love, and one isn't necessarily better than the other.

Just allow yourself the time and space to fully address your feelings and come to terms with them. Accepting them completely can make it easier to let them go. Try spending a little less time with that person for now, or avoid hanging out one-on-one.

If you feel lonely or in need of physical intimacy, dating others may offer a way to create new connections and ease feelings of longing.

What if your feelings are unrequited?

It's natural to hope the person you love returns your feelings, but romance doesn't always play out as planned. Recognizing love sometimes requires you to accept that it may not flourish as you wish.

"If you love someone, let them go," really does emphasize one key component of love. True, compassionate love means wanting those you love to find happiness and contentment, even when those needs conflict with what you want for yourself.

Resist the temptation to press your case by showing them what a great partner you'd make, since this will likely only damage your existing relationship.

Instead, show respect by honoring their feelings and giving them any space they ask for. Make it clear you intend to go forward by maintaining your platonic friendship. This can help ease any awkwardness that might come up.

The bottom line:

Attraction and affection can change and grow over time, and people feel and show love in many ways.

Any type of emotional commitment can fulfill the human need for connection, provided you make the effort to sustain it.

***

Wang Lei couldn't believe that he actually read until the last part of the article. With him now quiet as Pan An allowed him to continue reflecting to himself after he had told him that he's in denial and that she is slowly becoming a part of his heart, Wang Lei just couldn't imagine it. 

He knew for himself as a fact that he was a womanizer and that he had fooled with women to the point that he could no longer count them all with his fingers. 

With a sigh coming from him, he did realize that Yu Yan, his secretary who had been working for him for years now, started to become a part of his life like Pan An had told him!

Never did Wang Lei think of her too much like this. Never did Wang Lei think of Yu Yan seriously this way. 

It didn't even cross his mind that he'd kiss Yu Yan! But when it happened… it's as if he never regretted it and the first time his lips landed on hers…

It's the first time that he had ever felt his heart race. It was never like this when he had kissed other women. 

For Yu Yan, everything seemed different… but why?

With his lips in a tight line, Pan An then let out a sigh, getting his attention. 

"I know that you're thinking about her this time. If she worries you this much to the point that you wanted to talk about it with me, then she's definitely different. It's the first time you talked about a girl with me having such a serious expression on your face."

Wang Lei then looked at him. As their eyes met, Pan An shrugged his shoulders, further explaining what he thinks. 

"You're changing, Wang Lei. I know you… you know yourself that you know that you are indeed changing."

Wang Lei blankly stared at Pan An's eyes. As if in a trance, he subconsciously replied to what he said, surprising Pan An. 

"I told her what if I was able to change because of her and that it's true. I told her what if there is something behind the kiss and that I meant it."

Pan An's back straightened, now getting serious as he never saw and heard Wang Lei act like this. 

Ever. 

"Are you… serious?"

"Yes," Wang Lei answered, not even hesitating to do so. "I told her that… I didn't even expect myself to that's why I walked out and called for you."