My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Chapter 110 - Can You Defeat Your Fear?

It was ironic how people's interest could change in a blink of an eye, especially in the entertainment industry where people came and went, new replaced old and nothing ever remained the same. Just four months ago, the netizens were competing on who could curse Jiang Jinyan louder, who could accuse him further, and who could kick him harder after he was down.

Numerous black materials came forth, all of it stemming from Jiang Jinyan's youth period. Many people spoke up saying that they had been threatened by him during their middle school, how he often fought and even went against teachers, or how he was actually a two-faced person who only showed his good side in front of others but actually had a very black and poisonous heart inside.

As if they were proud that they could flaunt other people's dark history. How disgusting.

But now, Weib8 had turned peaceful again as if the previous chaos wasn't exist in the first place. For them, athlete Jiang Jinyan was just one insignificant person who created some sensation and then, he would soon be forgotten from public's memory.

It would do no harm for them to type abuses behind the screen but for the person who received it...the wound would remain forever. It might be ineradicable.

Shi Nian shut her eyes and tried to shake those previous thoughts away. General Jiang had once said to her, "You can't erase people's malice and doubt toward you but you can keep your conscience clear." He himself had never thought that he was a good person but at least he could make sure that he lived his life proudly with his head held high.

He was such a proud, noble and honorable person. And such a person was reduced into someone who was hated by the whole country because of a crime that he didn't do. Just like what happened in his past life.

The rims of Shi Nian's reddened as she thought of the past.

She spent some time adjusting her emotions and went to the bathroom to clean herself. Coming out of her room, she only found an empty house which she had gotten used to. As she guessed, on the refrigerator, there was a note written by Qiang Fei. [Baby, mama is going to work. There's breakfast on the table and don't forget your psychotherapy session this noon. If something happens, don't hesitate to ask Detective Xu for help. Love, Qiang Fei.]

Shi Nian smiled at the small smiling person on the corner of the note. It looked particularly ugly yet adorable at the same time.

Now Shi Nian knew where her bad artistic sense came from.

Shi Nian had registered at her new school, Sangzhe Private High School, Year 3. Because she was absent during her second year's final exam, she had to put in twice the effort to study so that she could retake the exam. It was already good that she was allowed to retake the exam and went to the third year. If not for Xu Binchen's connection with Sangzhe's Principal, maybe she would have had to spend one year repeating a grade.

She ate breakfast by herself, cleaned the house, did laundry, then went to dig out the second year's notebook from the bottom of her luggage. The warm sunshine sprinkled into the room, illuminating Shi Nian's eyelashes into golden fluttery as she sat against the bean bag and studied seriously.

Just like that, time passed in a blink of an eye and it was soon her psychotherapy session's time. She searched for the contact number and started a video call. It was accepted less than five seconds later and Psychiatrist Yu's smiling face appeared on the screen.

"Good afternoon, Shi Nian. How do you do?"

Shi Nian typed. [I am very good. How are you, Doctor?]

"I am very well, thank you. I can see that you have been living happily in the Capital." They engaged in some small talk, about the weather in City A and the difference of grocery's prices between the two cities. After that, Psychiatrist Yu started to get into the point. "So, do you have something that you'd like to share with me?"

Shi Nian's fingers hovered above the screen. Hesitation flickered through her eyes but in the end, she decided to take photo of her note and send it to the middle aged woman.

Psychiatrist Yu swiped through the photo while keeping an eye on her. "Nice, you've started to keep track of your dream. Don't be afraid, sometimes dreams aren't real and it's only the manifestation of your subconsciousness. Your desire, your fear and maybe, your forgotten memories."

Shi Nian listened earnestly and nodded.

Yu Yanliang pondered for a moment. "So, you suddenly dreamt of someone named Xiao Chun? Do you remember who that person is?"

Shi Nian shook her head. At that time, she was only five or six years old. She recalled that when Qiang Fei went to work, she often dropped her off at an auntie's house. That auntie had a child who often played with her. But she had forgotten that auntie's appearance, so was that child's name and how they looked.

She couldn't even ascertain whether that child was the Xiao Chun she dreamed of.

[Is there some relation between Xiao Chun and my past? Why did I suddenly dream of it?]

"Maybe yes, maybe not." Yu Yanling said in a mysterious tone. "You must not underestimate how a human's brain works, Shi Nian. Sometimes, it may give you some crucial clues that you aren't aware of. For now, we can't cross the possibility that something might have triggered your past memory that caused you to remember Xiao Chun. You can start by asking your mother but don't pressure yourself too hard to recall it."

Shi Nian smiled. [I know, thank you, Doctor.]

They spent some time trying to analyze Shi Nian's dream one by one. Of course, she never told Yu Yanling about her memory of General Jiang. For her, this was her greatest and sweetest memory, one that she held like a treasure, unwilling to take it out for people to see.

Yu Yanling sighed. "So, it's a dream about butterflies again huh?"

Shi Nian's eyes dimmed as she nodded.

"How about this?" Yu Yanling suggested. "I may have to consult your mother before I can do it. But I want to ask for your opinion first. I feel like your fear for butterflies is very profound. You have lost your memory, yet your fear remains the same. It is the proof that the fear has been embedded deep into your subconsciousness, either by prolonged exposure or the display of something terrifying which caused you great trauma."

"If you can tackle this fear, you may gain another breakthrough," the woman softly said.

Tackle her fear…

Shi Nian's body turned rigid as she recalled her dream, those flaps of butterfly wings and how she felt suffocated in their presence. It felt like the viper snaking around her neck and choking her, rendering her unable to breathe and think clearly. The agony and misery was tangible, as if she could feel it condensed into the air she breathed in.

Yu Yanling continued, "If you're willing to cooperate with me, I want to suggest doing exposure therapy[1] on you. But the question is—Shi Nian, are you ready? Can you defeat your fear?"

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[1] Exposure therapy is a technique to expose the target patient to their anxiety source or its content without the intention to cause danger.. It has been proven to treat phobia, anxiety disorder, PTSD and OCD.