My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Chapter 155 - You Will Only Be Disappointed

Everytime Jiang Jinyan talked to Qiang Fei, Shi Nian would sneak around and place food into his bowl. Jiang Jinyan felt strange how she always managed to avoid the things he hated, but when he thought of how she was his fan, everything became plausible.

The meal ended harmoniously and Shi Nian took the dish into the kitchen.

"Niannian, go and keep Xiao Jiang company." Qiang Fei shoved her out. "Last time, the friend you brought hotpot to, was it also him?"

Shi Nian nodded firmly.

Qiang Fei smiled meaningfully. "He's a good child."

Shi Nian's eyes shone. Of course, General Jiang is the best!

"Handsome too." Qiang Fei was amused seeing how Shi Nian agreed to her every praise joyfully as if it was her who was being praised. "Does he live alone?"

Shi Nian pondered for a while and nodded hesitantly.

If she could find out that Jiang Jinyan was the famous entrepreneur Jiang Huocheng's son, then Qiang Fei would definitely discover it too. Despite that, she didn't act any differently. She took out fruits from the refrigerator, cut them into pieces and put them into a food container. "Go and tell him to take this back."

Shi Nian looked at her mother, touched. She happily hugged the chilly container and went out.

"Thank you for the food, auntie. It's very delicious." Jiang Jinyan said as he stood by the door.

Qiang Fei smiled and waved from the kitchen. "You're very welcome. Auntie is often busy but next time, let's eat together again."

The care and warm affection was so rare that Jiang Jinyan couldn't react for a moment. Seeing Qiang Fei's face which was five points similar to Shi Nian, Jiang Jinyan choked out. "Okay."

Shi Nian waved Qiang Fei goodbye, in her arms was the food container. Then, she trailed behind Jiang Jinyan's back to the elevator. "You don't have to follow me back." He broke the silence.

Shi Nian shook her head. Anyway, the elevator had already started to descend so it's no use if he chased her away right now.

Jiang Jinyan only gave a sigh and kept silent afterward.

After they got to his door, the man turned over. "Go back."

Shi Nian's round eyes looked at him in confusion. She gestured for him to open the door.

Jiang Jinyan's jaws clenched and he opened the door. The little grey kitten shot out and hugged Shi Nian's leg, meowing incessantly. Shi Nian laughed happily and wanted to bring it into her arms. However, she had hugged the chilly container for quite long and there was residual water vapor on her skin.

The little kitten was shaken by the cold and shook itself off, jumping to his owner instead.

Shi Nian gave the food container to Jiang Jinyan, beaming. [These fruits are delicious. You should eat it slowly.]

Something flashed inside Jiang Jinyan's eyes and he expressionlessly accepted the container. "Thank you."

[You're very welcome! Please come often to eat with my mother and I, okay? We will always welcome you.] Her eyes were very earnest and serious as she typed.

The little kitten which was ignored came to create ruckus again. It jumped off Jiang Jinyan's leg and went to bite its empty bowl, yowling with an aggrieved tone. Seeing how Jiang Jinyan didn't react to it, Shi Nian felt that the little guy was so pitiful.

She looked around and found a bag of cat food on the table. Thus, she went to pour some into its bowl. The little kitten licked her hand and proceeded to bury its head and wolf the food down, purring with its tail swishing back and forth.

[Right, have you thought of a name for it yet?]

Jiang Jinyan still looked at her with that expression which was indecipherable. Her smile slowly vanished as she typed, worried. [Are you okay?]

Jiang Jinyan's fists clenched by his side as he took a deep breath and decided to break apart the thin barrier once and for all. "Shi Nian, I am very thankful for you and your mother's kind hospitality. But this kind of behavior, what exactly do you want to achieve?"

Shi Nian was stunned in place. Why did he suddenly ask about that?

Jiang Jinyan demanded. "Type."

Hesitantly, Shi Nian typed. [What do you want me to type?]

He almost laughed out of frustration. "Then let me make this clear. Caring about me, worrying about my condition, inviting me to your house, sharing food, approaching me, always trying to get close to me…what did you want to achieve by doing that?"

Shi Nian looked at his dark, unfathomable eyes and felt her heart thump. [I just want to be good to you…]

"Because you're my fan?"

Shi Nian nodded slowly.

Jiang Jinyan chuckled grimly. "Do you remember what I told you back then in the hospital? The Jiang Jinyan you like—the young, promising athlete, gold medalist, famous public figure, he has already died, okay? The Jiang Jinyan whom you like is no more—!"

Shi Nian lunged forward and clamped his mouth shut with her palm, her eyes reddened with unshed tears.

Don't say it like this…

Don't disparage yourself like this…

Jiang Jinyan tore her hands off and continued. "I am just a useless, idle and disabled man. I don't even know how my future will be. Even if you pour your best effort into me, you will only be disappointed!"

A loud slap reverberated through the silent space right after Jiang Jinyan's last words fell!

Shi Nian looked at her palm in disbelief, tears slid down her cheeks.

Jiang Jinyan licked the corner of his lips which was split, her palm print created red glaring marks on his fair skin. However, Jiang Jinyan didn't care. "Do you understand what I mean now?"

He was tired already.

Tired of guessing people's attention. Tired of getting disappointed. Tired of opening his heart only to be humiliated again and again.

In this world, kindness wasn't free. Everyone was kind for a reason. No one was obliged to be kind to someone else. Even the world wasn't obliged to be kind to you.

Jiang Jinyan knew it very well. Thus, Shi Nian's act which was akin to boiling frogs in warm water; he couldn't endure it any longer. He wanted to tear off her mask and see what kind of ugliness laid underneath those so-called goodwill and kindness.

Only this way he would be able to push her away.

Only this way…he wouldn't be hurt anymore.

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A/N: Jinyan QAQ he's such a fragile little baby. He can't even accept kindness without doubting it.. It's just his defense mechanism to push everyone away so please don't hate him okay? He needs time to accept everything.