My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Chapter 16 - Least Afraid Of Death

Shi Nian stared at his hand, dumbfounded.

The man brought with him such devastating news but his face remained solemn and sour as usual as if he was just talking about weather. Finally, because of his urging, Shi Nian gingerly placed her hand on him, still in a daze. He shook her hand firmly, the surface of his skin was dry and warm.

"Wait, wait." Doctor Chun held his forehead exasperatedly. "How did things turn out like this?"

Xu Binchen gave an 'ah' as if he had just remembered that there's Doctor Chun in the room. "If it's about the patient's privacy, don't worry." He turned to Shi Nian and told her seriously. "You will not always see me but I will be around the clock. Don't be scared, the police will protect you."

Shi Nian blinked and shook her head. She wasn't scared at all. Hell, if her presence could make the criminal appear sooner, then Shi Nian would gladly become the bait for the police.

Doctor Chun interjected, his face weary. "You know that's not what I mean—"

"Doctor." Xu Binchen cut him off again. "You know that sooner or later this will happen. The criminal isn't going to stop just because of this. Once he knows that the police can't do anything about him, he will go wild and create more victims. This one is just the beginning. Tomorrow, maybe we will find another again."

Doctor Chun fell silent. As Xu Binchen said, he knew it deeply in his heart. But then, his heart couldn't afford so many things. He couldn't cooperate with the police without disregarding his conscience and responsibility for Shi Nian, but on the other hand, protecting Shi Nian meant that he indirectly became the catalyst of more murders to come.

Shi Nian could see the internal conflict in Doctor Chun's wrinkly face.

She thought for a while and wrote. [Doctor, can I talk with uncle detective alone?]

Doctor Chun raised his guard vigilantly. Ever since he knew that Shi Nian was a kind of girl who was reckless enough to neglect her safety, he felt that he couldn't leave her alone with this kind of detective who only cared about his job. "What do you want to talk to him about?"

[Doctor, I am okay.] Her eyes were earnest and determined as she smiled.

Doctor Chun was stunned by the resolution that shone from those light pupils of hers. He was helpless against her choice and nodded.

When it was only Xu Binchen and Shi Nian alone, Shi Nian pursed her lips and started writing.

Xu Binchen: "Are you going to talk about your hypnotherapy?"

Shi Nian nodded without looking up.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

This time, she couldn't help but to give him another glance. If her ears didn't play a joke on her, was that…concern she sensed in his tone? She scrutinized his face deeply, but Xu Binchen was akin to an impenetrable fortress.

Shi Nian couldn't do anything but to nod.

She put down her pen and beckoned for him to come closer. She sat her butt on the long couch which Xu Binchen had been lying on just this morning. He silently approached her. When he sat down, Shi Nian felt her center of gravity shift and she almost fell to his side if not for her reflexively grabbing the sofa tighter.

After clearing her throat in awkwardness and realizing that Xu Binchen didn't take notice of her little gesture, she showed the board to him.

[In the last session, I remember that when I was closing the convenience store, I heard the sound of a phone ringing.]

Xu Binchen frowned and waited for her to continue.

[It came from the alley beside the store. The phone kept ringing without anyone answering it. I was curious, and because I feared that someone dropped their phone, I went there to check.]

"A dropped phone in the alley…"

She nodded and continued. [Then, I found the phone laying there on the ground. I picked it up, but then my hand became wet.]

Xu Binchen's face sank and he guessed. "What is it? Blood?"

Shi Nian hesitated for a moment. [It was dark, and I couldn't see clearly. It…should be blood, I think.]

"Then, what do you see on the phone?"

This time, a deep set of creases appeared on her forehead. [After that…I don't remember anymore.]

The room fell into a deadly silence as Xu Binchen was lost in his thoughts. She stared at him, and from such a close distance, she could see his freshly shaved jaw, the edge was so sharp that it could cut through rock, as well as the Adam's apple on his throat that bobbed with the motion of his gulping…

She thinned her lips and averted her gaze away.

"What is it?" Xu Binchen asked when he realized that she was still writing.

[I saw butterflies. A lot of butterflies.]

Xu Binchen's face was blank for a moment. "Where?"

[I don't know. The butterflies were chasing after me, and I got the feeling that they were surrounding me, choking me and I found that I couldn't breathe…]

Toward the end, her writing had become a messy scrawl that was almost undecipherable. Her fingers tightened on the pen and her face was turning slightly pale.

Xu Binchen looked at her and understood. This might be the cause of her almost going into cardiac arrest. Shortness of breath, palpitation, light-headedness, followed by the loss of heart's function. Moreover, she was in the state of being hypnotized.

He didn't know how to describe the weird feeling flooding his chest right now. He didn't know how to cheer someone up besides saying, "Don't be scared."

Shi Nian took a deep breath and shook her head. She couldn't help it. Actually, no matter how much she said that she wasn't scared, her body refused to cooperate as it still remembered the taste of the traumatic event.

It was just like her mouth. She felt that nothing was wrong with her, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't speak out a word. She had tried her hardest to do so, but in the end, she could only produce wheezing sound and some intangible hisses.

She wiped the previous writing off and scribbled. [I hope that it helps you, uncle. I will try my best to remember more.]

"You—" Xu Binchen was truly helpless. In front of her, he felt like he had somehow become a paper tiger. It was him who told her that she could do nothing except to remember, but when the girl took such a huge initiative to cooperate as if she couldn't sense the danger in front of her, he was rendered speechless.

The girl blinked in confusion. Her eyes were so pure, so clear and bright that he couldn't bear to stare into them.

Xu Binchen kneaded his forehead in exasperation. "Just listen to Doctor Chun's words." He let out a mirthless snort. "You know, the first impression I have of you is that you didn't look anything like a mass serial killer's victim. You are too calm, levelheaded and steady, like nothing can ever make you scared."

Shi Nian silently erased her reply. [What a coincidence, my first impression of uncle is that uncle didn't look anything like a detective—] She then solemnly changed it into; [Maybe that's just the way I am.]

Xu Binchen's eyes bore into her. Again, she felt that the man was trying to look deep into her soul.

"You aren't afraid?"

He had asked this question once before and she had also denied it firmly in that exact moment.

She felt that her answer was inadequate and uncle detective didn't really believe her. After thinking for a moment, she tried to improve it this time so that it looked more convincing.

[In this life, one thing that I, Shi Nian, least afraid of is death.]