My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Chapter 163 - Only This One, You Cannot Destroy

Jiang Jinyan closed the door behind him, ignoring the mewling kitten and sank himself into the sofa, heaving a tired sigh. Without wasting any second more, he took off his artificial leg and stretched his limb, feeling it sore and throbbing numbly.

Evidently, he had walked too much today.

Jiang Jinyan had just gone to report to Sangzhe University for his midterm transfer. He had already skipped a year due to his car accident and it was unreasonable for him to delay any longer. His sports scholarship was gone along with his sinking future and now, Jiang Jinyan could only settle down for a while, trying to regain himself and finding what he liked to do in the meantime.

He had prepared himself though. At the end of June after his mother's death, he had decisively packed his luggage and moved out without bringing anything else. Afterward, he deliberately went to one place after another to cover his tracks.

He changed his number and this phone of his didn't have any use except for calling takeaways and deliveries. Even the contact in it only had two numbers; Shi Nian and Xu Binchen.

However, he knew that after he registered his data in the university, Jiang Huocheng would be able to find him sooner or later.

Speak of the devil, and the devil will come. His phone rang in a timely manner and the string of numbers shown on the screen were ones that he had imprinted deep into his mind. His lips curled into a cold smile. Surprisingly, Jiang Huocheng had acted faster than he thought.

Jiang Jinyan didn't hide and picked it up, his tone leisurely. "Hello?"

Silence reigned for a moment before Jiang Huocheng's deep and solemn voice echoed. "Jinyan, have you been well?"

Jiang Jinyan thought that no matter what Jiang Huocheng said, he wouldn't be affected anymore. Ever since his mother died and Jiang Huocheng never appeared, his heart had gone cold, even his blood was frozen into icicles. He belatedly discovered, it wasn't that Jiang Huocheng couldn't leave some time for them, it was that he didn't want to.

However, after hearing this sentence which was softly said, accompanied with a gentle sigh, Jiang Jinyan felt his throat choked up. He took a deep breath and evened his tone. "Of course, I am very well."

"Where are you right now?"

"At home."

"Jinyan…" He could almost imagine how Jiang Huocheng's face would be on the other side of the phone. Frowning, with a hint of impatience between his brows. "Come back. Why did you settle in such a small university? Father can enroll you in any university you want."

Jiang Jinyan sneered as all of the previous sentiments were wiped away.

Once again, Jiang Huocheng just wanted to control him. Bound him to his side. Never letting him out of sight. Forever, Jiang Jinyan could only live as how Jiang Huocheng wanted him to be.

He had once been full of hope, full of expectation that if he did well, Jiang Huocheng would look at him more. After it went unsuccessful, he changed. He thought that he had to create some troubles and threw tantrums so that Jiang Huocheng would pay more attention to him. Still, it didn't succeed.

Now, he didn't hope anymore, didn't think and didn't want to feel.

"What to do?" He chuckled. "I just don't want to come back."

"You—" Jiang Huocheng sighed wearily. "Do you still blame father?"

Blame him, Jiang Jinyan used to. In the first few days after Guan Xiaoxiao's death, Jiang Jinyan spent the nights wide awake. He couldn't help but wonder what if—what if Jiang Huocheng had cared a little bit more, what if he had come back, what if he wasn't so cold and ruthless, would his mother still be alive right now?

Later, he learned that even blaming someone took a great deal of effort.

It was tiring to hate. Right now, all Jiang Jinyan felt was only exhaustion, emptiness and bitterness.

"No." He said. "Why should I blame you? It's all your choice, you're the one who chose to marry mother and you're also the one who chose to abandon us."

"Jinyan!" Jiang Huocheng's voice raised higher. "How can you say that?! You...You just don't understand it—"

"Yes, and right now, I no longer wish to understand." Jiang Jinyan looked up at the ceiling, his eyes blank as he said smoothly. "Don't bother me anymore. It's enough for us to live like this, don't you think so? If you force me further, the next time you see me, maybe all you will get is a cold corpse in the morgue."

Jiang Huocheng sucked in a harsh breath. "You…what are you saying?!" His roar sounded extremely harsh in Jiang Jinyan's ears and somehow, there was a manic satisfaction within him to know that he could stimulate Jiang Huocheng's emotion so much.

Pain. Feel more pain. Jiang Jinyan didn't want to be the only one who was hurting. He just wanted to drag everyone down with him.

"I am not kidding, father." He emphasized on the last word and said his last sentence. "I hope that you will live a hundred years more."

He hung up directly but somehow, it felt like he could still feel Jiang Huocheng's breath fanning beside him.

He rubbed his ears blankly, his veins tightening. Something dark was brewing inside his chest, threatening to burst out at any moment.

The little kitten popped up from under the sofa, snuggling against his feet and wanted to climb up his pants.

Jiang Jinyan lowered his head to look at the struggling kitten, thousands of thoughts whispered within his mind which ended with the last word: destroy.

He gnashed his teeth, a deep growl emerged deep within his chest like a wounded beast with nowhere to go. Nails pierced into the flesh on his palm yet he felt nothing at all. He could only hear his own blood coursing through his veins.

The kitten was spooked by the sound he made but it didn't affect much as it kept on climbing and climbing. 

Jiang Jinyan closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

No. You can't. Only this one, you cannot destroy.

Jiang Jinyan stood up and instantly lost his balance. His arm shot out to grab the corner of the table, blue and green veins bulging out of his fair skin, truly...a hideous sight. The kitten rolled down from his sudden movement but Jiang Jinyan couldn't afford to care, not right now.

He stumbled to the side room, using the wall as his support, his gait was akin to a drunken man. The door slammed close so hard that the doorframe seemed to be shaking and in the next moment, the sound of glass breaking and dull thumping sound echoed repeatedly, not stopping until more than an hour.

All of it was only witnessed by the little kitten who was faithfully waiting, scratching on the door without receiving any answer. Its ears drooped sadly as if it could see its owner who was suffering inside.

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A/N: Don't be sad everything will be better soon QAQ

Anyway, thank you very much for ArcaneMag and Kelly_Irvine_1077 dearies for your golden tickets! (???) I love you!