My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Chapter 205 - She Decided To Love Herself More

Jin Renguang propped his arms by her sides, head hanging low. Ru Meiqi could see the veins popping up along his arms when his muscles tensed. For a moment, she was afraid that he would destroy her counter with his bare hands.

"It's been five years." He said in a low voice, eyes lifting to look at her. A delicate face with reddened eyes reflected within them. "You still haven't forgotten about it?"

Ru Meiqi pressed her lips together. She tried to hold it but in the end, her emotions got the better of her. "Do you want to say that I'm petty? That I still mind you're a divorcee even if she was already dead for five years?"

"No." Jin Renguang tried to hug her. "It's not what I meant. Listen to me—"

But Ru Meiqi didn't want to.

It was unknown where she got the strength to break free of the cocoon of his arms. Her petite body slipped away and stood a few meters further. The independent, prideful and talented criminal psychologist was nowhere to be seen. Right now, she was just a woman who's exhausted trying to grasp onto something she couldn't.

"I don't care how many exes you have." She clenched her fists, chin held high, keeping together the last bit of dignity she could gather. "I will not care, as long as you're mine in the future."

Jin Renguang said helplessly. "I am yours—"

"BUT!" She took a step back when he came closer, again and again, until she stepped out of the kitchen. Even then, Jin Renguang didn't give up on trying to close their distance. Ru Meiqi exploded angrily. "Listen to me, goddamnit!"

"I can't even hug you?" Even though he said that, he still stopped in place, his eyes stared fixedly at her, like a puppy who's shunned by his owner.

Ru Meiqi's heart almost softened for a moment, but for the first time, her logic won. Maybe this was what she should have done long ago. Maybe this was what she needed the most. "I don't care whether you have hundred ex-girlfriends or ex-wives. It was all in the past. But you know?" She laughed in a self deprecating manner. "Even though I don't look like it, actually I am a very possessive person. I don't like it when my man has someone in his heart."

She shook her head, tears dripping one after another, but this time, there was nobody who would wipe it for her anymore. "I have no way to fight against a dead person, Renguang. And you…you can't ever wipe the traces she had left behind in your life."

Exes, former wives, all of them didn't matter. She was confident that she could make him forget about them soon.

But it wasn't the same with a dead person.

The memory they left behind was eternal, and they could never be erased.

Like she said, engraved. Carved. And she couldn't bear it, couldn't bear that no matter how much effort she exerted to erase or even overwrite those traces, it would still be there.

She had used fifteen years of her life to love him. But now, she decided to love herself more.

That's why, no matter how much she loved him, she still had to let him go.

"Qiqi…" Ru Meiqi had never seen Jin Renguang show such a helpless expression before. There was hurt, fear, and sadness there.

A pang of pain shot through Ru Meiqi's heart to her whole body. It hurt more than when sharp shards of glass pierced her skin during the explosion caused by the terrorist in the case she had handled before. She took in a deep breath and said with a shaky voice, "It's been five years. You should go and visit her grave."

  When Jin Renguang didn't give any answer, she turned her back to him, whispering. "Thank you for taking me home. Please close the door after you leave."

***

Lei Liqiu gulped nervously as she walked down the familiar hallway with Manager Si Yusheng. As instructed, she didn't dare to look anywhere else, only keeping her head down, eyes focused on the velvety dark brown carpet along the way.

"Here we are." They stopped in front of room number 8 and Lei Liqiu's heart began to thump for no reason. Her palms were clammy with sweat as Si Yusheng knocked on the door.

"Come in." A cold, icy voice replied.

Before Si Yusheng pushed the door, he turned to her, his expression was gentle and kind. It should be comforting, but his words sent chills down her spine. "You should know the consequences if you don't comply with his words, right?"

Colors drained from Lei Liqiu's face. Even though she knew that Mr.Xu wouldn't do anything to her, she still couldn't help but tear up slightly. "I know." Her voice came out shaky and meek. "I will do anything he orders me to."

"Good." Si Yusheng's smile deepened and he opened the door.

Inside, the lightning was dim. The main lights weren't turned on, leaving only yellow fluorescent light on the corner of the room that didn't reach the man who was sitting on the sofa. Upon entering, an intoxicating, mild scent of high quality wine wafted through the air. Lei Liqiu started to feel dizzy even though she didn't drink.

"Mr.Xu, have you been well?" Si Yusheng greeted with a courteous smile.

Xu Binchen hummed. He had a glass of wine in his hand, gaze passing through Si Yusheng to look at the woman in white delicate dress standing behind who tried to make herself as small as possible.

Si Yusheng caught his meaning and said politely, "Don't worry. As you demand, no one has touched your possession. You can check it if you want."

Xu Binchen's eyes narrowed. Just like how he tried to play with the other person's psychology, Si Yusheng was also trying to test him. If he showed a bit of dislike or disinterest toward Lei Liqiu, it was unknown what fate was waiting for her after he left.

He put down the glass, creating a sharp crisp sound. "Come here."

Lei Liqiu flinched at the sharpness in his voice. Only after receiving a hint of warning in Si Yusheng's smiley eyes did she stumble forward. Before she could even close in, Xu Binchen reached out and directly pulled her to sit on his lap. Lei Liqiu yelped in shock and a whimper escaped her lips when Xu Binchen dipped his head low and buried his nose behind her ears, taking a sensual deep breath there.

The fear in Lei Liqiu's eyes was real and vivid. Seeing it, Si Yusheng smiled in satisfaction and bowed politely, "Then I won't bother you anymore. I hope you enjoy this pleasant night."

Xu Binchen didn't answer as he was already engrossed in trailing kisses upon the girl's nape. Goosebumps erupted along Lei Liqiu's arms as she shifted slightly, trembling. Yet the movement looked like she was offering her neck to him without a hint of resistance, oh so piteously lovely and heartrending.

The man's breath brushed against the sensitive skin on her shoulder, reminding her of the kiss they shared last time…

The door clicked softly behind Si Yusheng and in an instant, the magic dispersed and Xu Binchen pulled away abruptly. However, before he could push Lei Liqiu down from his body, the woman's next movement caught him off guard.

She caught his wrist and leaned forward…whispering on his ears, sniffling slightly. "Mr.Xu, there's a…listening bug inside my dress."

Xu Binchen froze and cursed under his breath.

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A/N: do you think it's wrong for Ru Meiqi to push him away? Some said that dead person isn't a rival, but imo, dead person is the biggest rival *chuckle* Simply put, if your ex is alive, then he/she will gradually find another, live happily and you will too. Your entanglement ends right then and there. 

But a dead person...the last one in their life was you, and you're forever frozen in the memory of their last moment. And that's what Ru Meiqi can't bear the most. 

Well, I will write their backstory slowly in later chappies so that you can understand Ru Meiqi further! Remember, if you're in a toxic relationship where you're sadder than happier, then you should let them go no matter how much you love them!