My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Chapter 363 - What Was This Feeling?

Panic spread among the Si Family's members. The missing person report was filed again and again to the police yet they still hadn't got a clue even after a few days. 

That day was supposed to be Si Qingzhao's university graduation party and the event was held in a ballroom hotel. Si Yusheng had even personally gone to request for CCTV footage, but he came back without a result. Si Qingzhao never stepped out of the hotel, nor could she be found inside. It was as if she was spirited away.

When she returned a week later, her appearance shocked everyone. Her body thinned considerably and her eyes dulled. With a haggard and despondent look, she was totally different from the Si Qingzhao in Si Zhening's memory. It wasn't an exaggeration to say that she had aged ten years in one week.

What happened during her disappearance? Why did she return like this? Who did this to her? They had so many questions yet no matter how many times she was asked, they couldn't get an answer out of her mouth. Thus, the only thing they could do was to support her unconditionally.

Mother Si and Father Si were especially distressed. Father Si was just an ordinary college professor while Mother Si was a housewife who would knit a few pieces of woolen clothing to sell in her spare time. They were one humble family, thus the unprecedented incident shattered the peace in their home in an instant.

Father Si sought a few trusted psychologists to treat Si Qingzhao and got similar answers in varying degrees. 

He was told that Si Qingzhao had been traumatized by something and they should give her time to recover. She could also seek treatment from the professionals but at that time, Si Qingzhao wasn't exactly in her best state. What she needed the most was to recuperate without being pressured by others. 

Nonetheless, Father Si and Mother Si weren't young anymore. Seeing their beloved daughter acting like this broke their heart to pieces.

Not only did she look ghastly different, her character also shifted. She was often more upset than not, and sometimes, she would even get hysterical. One time, when the attack relapsed, Si Zhening heard her say, "I shouldn't have gone with him. I shouldn't have done it. He will kill me. He will definitely kill me."

"Who?" Si Zhening grabbed her and mustered the most trustworthy gaze he could think of. "Who would kill you?"

Contrary to his expectation, Si Qingzhao showed a horrified look. "No…no!" She pushed Si Zhening away harshly and hugged herself, scared beyond wits. "Don't touch me! Go away…! Get out of here! I don't want to see you!"

Si Qingzhao slammed the door right in front of his face. It wasn't until Si Yusheng called out his name did he realize he had been standing frozen with his fists clenched, blood dripping out from his fingers.

His chest felt as if it was going to explode. The emotions brimmed in his heart to the point of bursting and it frightened him — the knowledge that this weird feeling was something he was capable of producing.

He clutched his chest, frowning. 

It hurts. The way his chest throbbed rapidly sent shivers down his spine and he felt out of breath. 

...What was this feeling?

***

Two months later, Si Qingzhao's condition still hadn't improved. She shut herself inside the room. The meals that were placed in front of her door were often untouched. The atmosphere in the Si Family was all time low and the usual harmony and tranquility was nowhere to be seen.

Si Yusheng started to come home once every two or three days. It was unknown where he spent the remaining nights. Father Si and Mother Si were too preoccupied with Si Qingzhao to care about him. Mainly because he was an adult male; he should be able to take care of himself.

But Si Zhening knew more. He knew that Si Yusheng was up to something. When he returned from school, he saw the man roam around the street, mingling with those people whom his teachers warned to avoid at all cost. 

He hadn't even turned eleven when he learned that those people were gangsters. They were part of the mafia, the dark side of the world that was filled with cruelty and cold-bloodedness. And Si Yusheng deliberately got close to them, because they had information—secret—dark, vile secrets that could threaten lives in their hands.

Si Yusheng returned one day in the middle of the night with his hands covered in blood. SI Zhening stood in the hallway, a glass of water in his hand. "What are you doing?" He asked in an impassive tone.

The man snapped his head up, shocked. When he found that it was only Si Zhening there, he sighed in relief, his bloodied hands trembling violently. He dashed past Si Zhening to the kitchen and scrubbed his hands again and again under the sink. 

Si Zhening asked once again. "What are you doing?"

"I found it…" He murmured under his breath.

"What?"

"I found the person who harmed Qingzhao." The lightning struck, illuminating the frenzied light in Si Yusheng's eyes. The corner of his lips curled up into a sinister, malicious smile. "It's Nan Cheng. He's there that day in the same hotel as Qingzhao. I got the leads, it's definitely him."

Si Zhening should be worried about Si Yusheng's unstable state, yet his attention was drawn toward the man's sentence instead. "Nan Cheng?" He had heard that name a lot lately. The newly opened amusement park in the city was said to be owned by Nan Cheng's company. His teachers said that they should grow up to be people like Nan Cheng. "My teacher said that he's a role model."

"Bullshit!" Si Yusheng cursed, his fists clenched tight. "It's all a facade he had put on in public. In the end, he's no different than a beast in human clothing! He did it to Qingzhao…" He buried his face into his palms and let out a pained howl. "That bastard…he raped her!"

The storm became the accompaniment to the truth that prevailed that day.

Nan Cheng. The person who had made Si Qingzhao turn this way. Si Zhening remembered that name by heart. For that reason, he started to study every single thing about Nan Cheng down to the tiny details. Whenever the man appeared on TV, newspapers or magazines, he would be the one to collect the articles first to the point where everyone mistook him as Nan Cheng's fanatic fan.

That man was known in public as philanthropist, benevolent, Good Samaritan, living Buddha and etcetera. The foundation he had built with his own money had sponsored many people throughout the country. The more Si Zhening learned about him, the more repulsed he became, especially when he recalled the state Si Qingzhao was in.

Because of Nan Cheng, the freshly graduated girl became a shut-in. The time when she was supposed to enjoy the peak of youth was spent in her room, devastated. 

Unable to endure it any longer, Father Si and Mother Si finally made a decision to move into another city so as to give Si Qingzhao a new start. 

But Si Yusheng chose to stay.

Si Zhening knew what he wanted to do. But that year, he was only a ten years old child. Even though he wanted to help, he didn't know where to start. Just like that, four people moved to City S, leaving Si Yusheng behind. 

Yet the beautiful start they had imagined never happened.

Minor problems started to crop up in Father Si's workplace then Mother Si's clothing business went out of business all of a sudden. The string of coincidences were very bizarre. At his age, Si Zhening understood many things that his peers didn't. He had always been smarter than others. 

The seed of doubt sprouted in his heart and Nan Cheng, that name, once again popped up in Si Zhening's mind.

Si Qingzhao had just barely recovered from her trauma when everything went downhill from that moment onward. 

One day, an accident happened to Father Si on his way home. A car suddenly ran through the red light and almost crashed straight on to Father Si. If the driver didn't brake on time, Father Si wouldn't have escaped with only a leg fracture.

Next, Mother Si was harassed when she bought groceries in the market and she often felt like someone was following her home. The incident escalated when someone often played a prank on them by painting their gate with red spray or throwing rocks into their house.

On the other hand, Si Zhening started to get bullied in school. His pencil case or books would disappear all of a sudden or he would get locked in the toilet when he was on cleaning duty. One time, he was even pushed down the stairs. Fortunately he managed to get away with only a sprained ankle.  The perpetrator was different each time and he swore that he hadn't even interacted with them before. It was as if they received some kind of command to make his life suffer. 

That period of time was akin to a nightmare, especially for Si Qingzhao.

Because she knew that her family members suffered due to her stupid action and the knowledge pushed her to the brink of collapse. Being as kind as she was, guilt and self-loathe started to consume her from within and the trauma that had started to fade surfaced once again. 

Winter that year, Si Qingzhao disappeared, leaving only a simple note. 

[Forgive me, Mama, Papa and Ah Ning. I will take care of my own problems and make sure that it won't implicate all of you anymore. Please don't look for me. I will send my regards from time to time to let you know that I have been living well. Sincerely, your beloved daughter.]

The recurrence of Si Qingzhao's disappearance broke the Si Couple's heart. They searched for Si Qingzhao everywhere like crazy, but she was nowhere to be found. 

At first, Father Si could still hire a private investigator to search for Si Qingzhao. But then, Mother Si's health abruptly deteriorated due to the constant stress and she was diagnosed with kidney failure. The amount of money they needed wasn't small, especially for Mother Si's medicine and dialysis. 

Their finances became tight and Father Si finally stopped paying for the private investigator and opted to search for his daughter himself. 

The whole family turned into a mess and Si Zhening watched it all happen through his eyes which showed no emotion whatsoever. He went to school as usual, did his homework, ate and slept like nothing happened. Even when Father Si told him they were unable to pay for his school fees anymore and persuaded him to drop out, he didn't give any reaction except agreeing.

That was the first time Si Zhening realized to an extent how peculiar he was compared to normal people.

That was also the first time he heard someone call him 'monster'.

Mother Si was the one who did it.

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A/N: poor Si Zhening QAQ