My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Chapter 89 - Why Give Birth To Him?

Guan Xiaoxiao sat by the window, eating her favorite dessert but once in a while, she would steal glances toward Jiang Jinyan, her pure and childlike curiosity evident.

Jiang Jinyan left her alone to talk to Yuan Xilu on the other side. "Is my mother's health okay?"

In the private sanatorium room, it was no different than a single hotel room. There was a queen size bed, a floor to ceiling window with Guan Xiaoxiao's favorite lilac curtain, a 32 inch TV, sofa and low table, and a separate dressing room. The wall was covered with a light brown wallpaper and the floor covered in a cozy oak flooring.

The only glaring thing that seemed out of nowhere was a huge cabinet with transparent glass on one side of the wall. It occupied a very large area and inside, there were numerous trophies and medals, all in Jiang Jinyan's name and all kinds of competition he had gone through starting from elementary school until now.

Yuan Xilu pursed her lips hearing Jiang Jinyan's question. "Of course, she's healthy."

Jiang Jinyan looked straight at her. "She seems to be a bit thinner than before."

Seeing how attentive he was, Yuan Xilu knew that she had no chance to keep it a secret anymore. "To be honest, there would be a few times when Madam became sober. She would be like before; smash things, refuse eating and only demand to see your father."

"Then, have you called and notified him about it?"

"We have but…"

Jiang Jinyan cut through her hesitation. "But my father still didn't return to see her, right?"

Yuan Xilu sported an awkward look. "Young master, Sir must have been so busy lately."

"Nonsense." Jiang Jinyan sneered quietly. "He hasn't even come to see her for almost two years. How can he be so busy that he can't even spare even a day's time to visit her?"

Without them knowing, Guan Xiaoxiao had crept up to them and popped up into their conversation. "Are you talking about Huocheng? Is he coming?" She turned to Jiang Jinyan, her eyes full of hope and expectation. "Is he?"

Jiang Jinyan's throat bobbed. Everytime Guan Xiaoxiao asked him this question, he would feel strangled and suffocated. He couldn't bear to see her so disappointed but he had no choice but to rebuke her. "No, he has been a bit busy lately."

Guan Xiaoxiao's eyes dimmed and she forced out a smile. "It's okay. The company is more important. I can wait. I will keep waiting for him."

Jiang Jinyan averted his eyes and couldn't bear to look at her anymore. He just didn't understand; how? How could she wait for someone that was so heartless, that could abandon her without any hesitation without fail? How could she keep on waiting even though he would never come?

"Are you Huocheng's relative? You look so similar to him…" Guan Xiaoxiao's eyes peered up at him, twinkling with wonder.

"Madam…" Yuan Xilu prepared to correct her as always.

But Jiang Jinyan stopped her. "En," He played along with her. "I am his relative. He is so busy so he told me to come and see you."

"Really?!" As he expected, Guan Xiaoxiao beamed so brightly that it was painful to see. "I knew it. I knew that he still loved me the same." Guan Xiaoxiao hummed a random tone and danced around in the room, exuding joy and happiness.

"Young master," Yuan Xilu sighed. "She kept on asking for Sir. Every day, every hour. Sometimes, she didn't even want to eat until she could hear his voice."

Jiang Jinyan knew it. The sanatorium had the recording of Jiang Huocheng's voice. It would replay, "Xiaoxiao, be good. I will return soon." Then, they would play it everytime Guan Xiaoxiao threw a tantrum. It worked every single time and Guan Xiaoxiao would nod obediently. "Then, you must come home faster. I love you."

It happened so many times that it had become a daily occurance. Yuan Xilu sighed sadly, "But it seems like it will stop working sooner or later because Madam realizes that something is wrong. Every time we played the recording for her, she would cry and say that Sir was lying, that she wouldn't eat and rest until she could see him. We wanted to seek Sir's help but it was Sir's assistant who answered the call, saying that he was currently abroad and unavailable."

Jiang Jinyan's fist clenched by his side.

He strode to Guan Xiaoxiao and sat opposite her. "I brought you something." Under Guan Xiaoxiao's curious eyes, he pulled out another gold medal. "It's the prize of my latest competition."

Guan Xiaoxiao let out a 'woah' and turned her gaze toward the huge cabinet. "Are the trophies and medals yours?"

Jiang Jinyan nodded.

"You're so amazing! Is it really for me? Thank you very much!" Guan Xiaoxiao received the medal with a smile. She stroked the uneven surface in astonishment like how she always did when he presented his medals to her. "As expected of Huocheng's relatives, you're as good as him! Huocheng is very smart and talented too!"

Jiang Jinyan swallowed the 'mother' that had almost slipped out of his mouth. "Jinyan. My name is Jiang Jinyan." He would always introduce himself when he came, it had become a habit. But this time, it was especially unbearable.

Which child could bear it when his mother couldn't even recognize himself?

"Jinyan…" Guan Xiaoxiao repeated. "Good, it's a very good name! I have discussed it with Huocheng before. If we have a baby, we will give it the name 'Jinran' if it's a girl and 'Jinyan' if it's a boy!"

Jiang Jinyan's eyes stung and he nodded briefly. "En, it's a very good name. My parents chose it for me."

He looked at Guan Xiaoxiao's curved eyes with wrinkles around them and the gold medal in her hands, couldn't bear to say that it would be the last medal that he could give her. His last glory and achievements. He really, really wanted to pour all of his grievances and sadness in front of her, but alas, he had to pretend to be a stranger.

It felt like the hollowness in Jiang Jinyan's heart was getting bigger and bigger. It almost swallowed him whole yet he had to put on strong armor in front of her and pretended that everything was fine when it's not.

Jiang Jinyan lowered his eyes. As far as he could remember, Guan Xiaoxiao had already been like this when he was young. He had no idea of what was happening and his father didn't have any intention to tell him anything.

It was when he was six or seven years old that Guan Xiaoxiao remembered him for the first time. She hugged him while crying. "Jinyan, my baby Jinyan. Mother misses you very much. Your daddy is so bad. He doesn't want us anymore..."

But it was only one or two instances. The number of times Guan Xiaoxiao remembered Jiang Jinyan in the span of fourteen years she spent in the sanatorium could be counted in one hand as if her heart could only contain one person and there's no space for anyone else no matter how hard he tried to squeeze in.

His whole life, he was shoved with the scene of his mother's tears and his father's coldheartedness.

Sometimes, he even wondered whether Jiang Huocheng's heart was made of rock.

How could he do this? How could he leave her like this? If it was him…then he would have done better. Thus, Jiang Jinyan started to present all of his achievements to her in hope that she would remember him more often. But it was no use.

In her heart, there was only Jiang Huocheng and no Jiang Jinyan. While in Jiang Huocheng's heart…who knew what was in his heart? Jiang Jinyan wouldn't be able to understand him even if he spent his whole life trying.

It often made him feel redundant. Like he was unwanted.

If so, then why did they have to give birth to him?

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[Mini theater]

Jiang Jinyan, eight y.o. First time winning the swimming competition in the match with other children in the complex where he lived in.

Host: Congratulations to Jiang Jinyan for getting the first prize and gold medal! *look around* where is Jiang Jinyan's parents? Ah, is that you?

Nanny: *shy and awkward* n-no, little Jinyan's parents is busy so I am accompanying him.

Host: Okay, okay then Jinyan, do you have something to say as your winning speech?

Jiang Jinyan, with chubby cheeks and curly eyelashes, totally a little plump dumpling: I want to give my gold medal to Mama.. Mama is sick, she will feel better if I win.