Sorcerer’s Handbook

Chapter 428: The Culprit

Pffft.

Annan couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Banjeet’s mouth twitched as he struggled to hold back, while Lise excitedly hugged Ashe, jumping around. “Dad, you’re amazing! Calamity Demon Lord! Source of Calamity! One of the Three Great Harbingers of Doomsday… Wait, what about me?”

“I raised you to be a super fatso, so you don’t dare to show your face,” Ashe said very seriously. “You’d stay in your room all day playing games and watching TV dramas. If I urge you to work, you’d yell at me, and if I disturb your games, you’d call me a stinky old man…”

“Impossible, when Lise grows up, she’ll be a super gorgeous beauty!” Lise spread her arms to emphasize that she’s not just any beauty but a super beauty. “And how could Lise ever hate Dad!”

“You said something similar when you were young,” Ashe looked at Annan. “Like, I’ll never hate Mom or something…”

Annan: “Of course not!”

Banjeet: “Yes, you did.”

The young lady glared fiercely at the young butler. He shrugged and closed his mouth.

“Enough arguing,” Igor frowned. “This ranking list… is very strange.”

Everyone nodded. They all noticed that the Happiness Ranking was completely different from the previous three lists-the wedding guests were very familiar with Ashe and the others and could even call out nicknames like ‘Three Great Harbingers of Doomsday.’ Clearly, they had seen the Future Ranking!

At this point, one has to discuss a question related to the Weaving Festival: Since people can see the woven future, if it’s something good, that’s fine, but if it’s something bad, wouldn’t people try to avoid it?

The most obvious example is the Ranking of Schemes. It has many victims, including the ranked individuals themselves. If they’ve seen the Ranking of Schemes, wouldn’t they still fall for Igor’s tricks?

Although they would, it isn’t because fate forcibly corrects the course. It’s simply due to Igor’s personal abilities. And even Igor himself can’t act strictly according to the Ranking of Schemes.

In other words, the moment the Ranking of Schemes is announced, it ceases to be the future. Therefore, the Gospel would have to weave a Ranking of Schemes 2.0. However, once everyone sees the 2.0 version, they would naturally avoid the schemes it contains, forcing the Gospel to weave versions 3.0, 4.0, 5.0, and so on…

Clearly, such an infinite loop is impossible. Hence, when the Gospel weaves the future, there is usually an implicit assumption: the people involved have not seen the Weaving Festival.

This is a very reasonable assumption and does not compromise the accuracy of the Weaving Festival. Most of the time, even if there are discrepancies between the future and the ranking list, the differences are not drastic. Out of ten lists or a hundred rankings, at most seven or eight might be significantly off, a quality level everyone can accept.

Moreover, most ranking lists are Character Rankings, which have the smallest margin of error. Event Rankings can easily have large discrepancies, but most events are positive. Thus, people are happy to follow the Gospel, with some even deliberately trying to perfectly replicate the events woven by the Weaving Festival.

Ranking lists like the Ranking of Schemes and the Family Ranking, which are purely negative events, are rare phenomena, likely only possible within the chaotic context of Doomsday. In a stable and prosperous society, Harvey and Igor would have been chased to the Abyss by the Red Hat as soon as they appeared. There wouldn’t be any “Top Ten Families” or “Top Ten Schemes.”

But the Happiness Ranking breaks this implicit assumption!

The individuals in it have all seen the Weaving Festival. They know about Rust Crow Igor and Necromancy Harvey, they know Ashe died and came back to life, and they even gave them the idol group name “Three Great Harbingers of Doomsday!”

It’s like playing a New Game Plus where the NPCs remember everything you did in your first playthrough.

“Ashe Heath…” The bride Daphne remained calm, shielding her brother Carlos behind her, and said steadily, “Are you here to attend our wedding?”

“That’s right,” Ashe replied. “To be precise, I’m here to crash the wedding.”

As he reached out, Daphne slapped his hand away forcefully. Her chest heaving with anger, she stared directly at him. “We were strangers before this. Why would you target us?”

“Just as you know me, I know you,” Ashe said, unperturbed, spreading his hands. “Tenth on the Happiness Ranking: Daphne and Carlos. When I saw you two on the list, I decided to steal your future.”

“Really?” Annan asked suddenly. “You’re planning to crash the wedding right now?”

Lise, equally shocked, stared at Ashe. “Dad, you actually like stealing other people’s brides?”

“Are you focusing on the wrong thing here?” Ashe’s mouth twitched. “Don’t you see? The ‘Ashe’ in there mentioned the tenth place on the Happiness Ranking—meaning he saw the Happiness Ranking and then crashed the events in the Happiness Ranking. And now the current Happiness Ranking has woven him into the list!”

Before the Happiness Ranking had even finished broadcasting, the people in it had already seen the Happiness Ranking and were acting according to the rankings…

A surreal sense of absurdity rose in everyone’s hearts. If the wedding before ‘Ashe’ appeared was a normal future, then the wedding after ‘Ashe’ appeared became a compound future layered over multiple playthroughs. While the latter may be closer to reality, it was also more chaotic.

“Why?” Daphne asked. “This wedding will soon be over; there’s nothing worth coveting—”

“I told you, it’s you two I truly want,” Ashe smiled. “You are the future chosen by the Gospel. Just defiling you is enough to excite me! Take them away—”

“No!” Daphne’s hands glowed blue as she resolutely declared, “I will never let you succeed!”

“Really? I know you don’t care about the guests, but don’t you care about your lover, your brother?” Ashe’s voice was like a devil’s whisper. “You don’t want to give up this hard-earned happiness, do you?”

“I’m not a complete villain; I don’t necessarily want to tear you apart. As long as you obediently submit to me, I’ll still give you time together.” He spoke slowly, “You will have a cozy little home, bear children, and grow old together… You’re just one step away. Are you really willing to give that up?”

Faced with such threats and intimidation, Daphne slowly collapsed to the ground, crying, “I haven’t done anything wrong, so why is this happening…”

Annan and Lise were no longer hiding their disdainful looks. Ashe felt the need to clarify, “This is absolute slander. I am a pure, pollution-free knight of love. At most, I might bully the weak, but I never abuse my power.”

“But why would the Gospel slander you out of nowhere?” Lise countered. “Dad, shouldn’t you reflect on whether you’ve done something that might have given the Gospel the wrong impression?”

“Impossible. The only women I interact with now are you and the Young Lady,” Ashe protested. “I consider myself lucky if you don’t sleep on my stomach, and as for the Young Lady, she’s the one being inappropriate with me!”

“Really?” Annan asked. “Do you truly have no impure thoughts about me?”

“Of course not…” Ashe suddenly remembered the synthesized video footage he’d bought from Yvaren. “…None at all (very softly).”

The footage continued.

“You’ve made a wise decision,” Ashe said cheerfully. “Take them away!”

Two crow feather guests approached. Daphne, feeling utterly defeated, let herself collapse to the ground, offering no resistance as they reached out to take her-

“Hey? Hey!”

Daphne watched in shock as they took her brother Carlos away. She quickly stood up and asked, “Why are you taking Carlos!?”

“We intended to take Carlos from the start,” Ashe explained. “In the future foretold by the Gospel, Carlos’s talents are what we need. What did you think was going to happen?”

“W-What about me?” Daphne asked, bewildered.

“Interested in joining the Four Pillars Cult?” Rust Crow said. “We could use someone with your social skills.”

This unexpected twist left everyone speechless. Ashe immediately grew smug. Annan avoided his gaze, and Lise, trying to return to her seat, was pulled back by him. She could only sheepishly say, “I’ve always believed in you, Dad…”

“Believed what? That I’m a villain? That I like other people’s wives? That I can’t find a girlfriend without threats, temptations, or hypnosis?” Ashe asked, baring his teeth in frustration.

“Ashe, I’ve always believed in you,” Igor suddenly raised his hand and said.

“Tsk tsk tsk, Lise, look even Aunt Bukin-“

“I believe you have self-awareness.”

“Harvey, could you throw that box of roaches onto Igor’s bed?”

“Ashe, I have to criticize you,” Harvey said earnestly. “Wasting food is wrong.”

While they were chatting, the footage finally ended, and the Gospel Book switched back to the ranking list:

“Happiness Ranking, 10th place: The Happiest Wedding”

“Synopsis: Daphne Barnabas and Carlos Barnabas have been lovers for ten years. Over the past decade, they have gone through countless joys and sorrows and many hardships of life. Finally, these paramours became husband and wife. On the day they got married in the Sky Garden, it marked the end of their trials and the beginning of their happiness. They will be together forever, never separated, facing countless difficulties with love… and they would go on to create… but due to the interference of Ashe Heath and others, this ranking is invalid.”

“Reward: Voided.”

“Culprit: Ashe Heath.”

“How is this my fault?” Ashe was bewildered. “So if the sun doesn’t rise tomorrow, are you going to blame that on me too?”

“Annan,” Igor asked, “Has there ever been a case where a ranking was invalid and the reward voided?”

“No.” Annan pondered. “Compared to the past, the future portrayed in this ranking is also quite different. This is the first time I’ve seen characters within the ranking mention the ranking itself.”

“Ashe’s actions were also bizarre,” Igor added. “Would he really target the tenth place just to ‘defile the Gospel’? And why didn’t Harvey and I object? We’re not that idle.”

“Invalid ranking, a culprit crashing the event, voided rewards, and early updates…” Annan bit her lip gently, “When these factors are pieced together…”

“It sounds like the author rushed to meet a deadline and churned out a pile of crap,” Ashe concluded.