Taming the Queen of Beasts

Chapter 541 Shouldn't Be Here

RETH

Reth stood by—hovering obnoxiously, but so far beyond caring, he would have snapped his teeth at anyone that suggested it—as Elia moved among the gathering Protectors.

They'd been so excited to see her, even in the circumstances, wanting to share the joy and satisfaction of finally being their own tribe. And she'd found it in herself to share that with them. To smile and squeeze hands, and hug males, and dance with females…

She hadn't stolen their joy, despite the loss of her own.

He'd never loved her more.

He stood behind her through it all—an unfeeling rock that cracked a smile now and again when someone looked at him. But he was struggling. Every second that ticked by was another second they couldn't use, another moment they couldn't share. And even though he understood that these were her people, and she needed a moment to just be with them, he found himself resenting the intrusion.

They didn't know. They couldn't know—they'd already decided not to tell anyone who didn't ultimately volunteer to help. But his irrational dominance wanted them to fucking understand.

He knew he couldn't let himself express any of this. And so, he followed, a looming shadow with fierce eyes and on the edge of a growl as Elia slowly disappeared to the edges of the group that were gathering, waiting for Gar and their marching orders.

She was searching for specific Anima, and he wouldn't protest, no matter who they were. He knew that no one knew these people better than she. And every ounce of her being resisted putting this in front of any of them. She couldn't separate her role from what she was asking them to do, and so she grieved, even as she tapped this one on the shoulder and beckoned them to come, and patted that one on the arm.

In the end, she pulled four of them aside and, with her eyes, asked Reth to give them some room.

He could still have heard what she said if he chose, but she knew he would close his ears. He would guard them, ensure that she had the space and time to tell them what she needed to say, and to do it with the grace and dignity with which she'd done every other Queenly act for the past twenty years.

Fuck, she was beautiful.

The mating call wanted to huff in his throat, but even to this day she would blush when he did it in front of others. He swallowed it, though it hurt going down, and he waited.

He watched her from twenty feet away, her brows high and forehead lined, eyes earnest, and no doubt her voice too. She spoke to all of them as a group, her face painted in apology and grief.

And he saw the posture of those she'd chosen shift—first from pride to serve, to shock, to contemplation.

Then, to his surprise, Elia stopped talking. She gave an instruction, hugged each of them individually, pointed to somewhere to the north, then rolled her shoulders back and walked towards him, her face moving from calm dignity, to fractured grief the moment her back was to them.

Reth hurried toward her, ready to sweep her up, but she shook her head.

"Don't let them see. Don't let them guess," she breathed as she hurried past him and into the forest. "Get me out of here, Reth. I can't…I can't let them see."

Her scent trilled with fear and sadness—and the heat of rage. Confusion swirled with conviction, anger with abject terror. She was a mass of emotions, her hands trembling, and so she clasped them at her waist as she walked silently through the forest.

At first he didn't even pay attention, just followed at her back, ensuring no one else approached.

But soon, when they were out of sight and sound of the others, and she began to weep, he looked around and realized where she was taking him.

And he prayed for strength.

When they entered the clearing for the Weeping Tree, Reth wanted to weep himself. He wanted to cry broken sobs and throw himself to the ground like a child.

But his mate kept her chin high and stalked on towards the hidden depths to be found under its cover.

It wasn't until they'd pushed through the rustling leaves and vines and were within its shadows that she turned on her heel and threw herself into his chest, clinging so hard her fingers dug into his back like claws.

She said nothing, just sobbed, open mouthed and voice breaking and Reth clutched her.

"You did so well, Love. So well. You were so strong. You are so strong. I love you, Elia—"

"No, Reth, you d-don't understand!" she cried, pushing back far enough to look up at him. "You're not in my head! I'm… I'm walking through this, telling all of them like it's noble. Like I welcome it—I'm asking them to share the risk! And I don't want it! Don't you get it, Reth? I DON'T WANT THIS. I… I'm afraid I'll fail because I don't want to do it and how do I love anyone through that?!"

He shook his head and cupped her face, staring down at her with every ounce of the love and admiration he had for her.

"That isn't failure, Elia," he breathed, stroking her wet cheeks. "That is what it means to be a ruler. The fact that you move ahead anyway, that you bolster others, smile and encourage them—that you put their feelings before your own, that is what it means to lead with a true heart. The heart of a lover."

"But—"

"Listen to me, Elia. You aren't going to fail."

"But Reth! I just asked people to die for a cause I DO NOT WANT."

"And yet, where are we walking, Elia. Are you turning from this? Are you choosing your own path?"

"No," she spluttered through her tears. "But I don't want it. I don't feel that love—this is all about love. This is all about loving others and I don't feel love right now for anyone but you and our family—I want to flee!"

"But you aren't," he said softly. "Love isn't a feeling, Elia. Not at its core. Love is a choice to do for others what they need. What is good for them. Even at cost to yourself. That is the purest love—and that's why the Creator chose you, because it is how you love."

She stared at up him, her eyes wide and liquid. "No, Reth," she whispered, "That's how you love."

"That is how we love, Love."

"I just want to be with the kids, but when we were there I felt like I was going to fall apart, and I can't do that to them."

Reth nodded. "I know, but we'll do it. We've always done it and we'll do it now. We have others to take care of in the next few hours, and we'll do that. Then we will go home and we will prepare ourselves and we will be weak together, okay? When we're alone."

Her face crumpled. "You're so incredible, Reth," she sobbed. "I don't deserve you."

"Oh, Love, don't—"

"No, just take it, Reth. I love you more deeply than I love anyone. Thank you. Thank you for loving me and for always pointing me in the right direction. I'm… I'm going to need that every moment now. Promise me. Promise me you won't stop."

"I won't stop."

"I know you won't," she said with a watery smile. "You never have, you wonderful, wonderful man."

They embraced, and they cried… and then they took each other's hands and walked back to the Royal Meadow to talk to their children for the last time.