The Grand Mistress

Chapter 149 - My Sisi

Simione felt like she was at the edge of a cliff and that someone was after her and that she had to choose between jumping off to her death or surrender to safety. Hawk's confession of love was something beyond all that she had planned and she never thought that instead of victory, she'd feel defeated at it. Her thoughts then splattered like spilled matchsticks that she couldn't think right and clear.

How could Hawk Monsanto confess love at this point when she was torn between her desire for revenge or move on for a better life? How did things end with love anyway when it was all nothing but pure seduction?

And most of all, does she love him?

"You made it clear you wanted to be my woman," Hawk told her, remembering all the times she told it to his face like she meant it "But do you love me Cat? Do you love me that's why you want to become my woman or because there's something else you wanted from me?"

Hawk's next statement only made things worse and SImione felt the realness of the situation more than it had ever been. If she was the Simione a few weeks ago whose desire to get even with Feather was still at the peak, she'd really grab the opportunity and use it to her advantage. But things were different now, her conscience had been bothering her for weeks making her more complicated than she already was and she had seen Hawk in a different light now specially that he reminded her of Spin all the time, she can't use him now for all her selfish intentions. She can't love him, not when all her intentions started with a lie!

She knew she had something for him, but is that even love? Didn't she choose to stop all her ventures within before she fell into such a love trap? She knew love was inevitable on her side because she could feel it already and she honestly tried to stop before her own emotions could defeat her. How could she stop now when it was him who was taking over the seducing and chasing part? Can she endure his wooing?

Seeing the hesitation that went to her face, Hawk's heart sank a bit. He had always known there was something deeper than Cat's intentions to be his woman but even with such a knowledge, he couldn't  help himself but fall for her even more. He was already at her mercy and so there's nothing of a choice on his part but to pursue what he had started. This was his share of punishment for his fooly of going into the midst of two women. Now that he had chosen, he needed to fight for he had decided on it no matter what or everything he gave up for it would be useless. He could feel the connection anyway and he knew, if she had not fallen in love with her then, he can somehow make her. He was very hopeful.

"What are you even talking about, I already said before I want you," Cat replied but her voice faltered and she wasn't able to stand Hawk's gaze. As she looked away, Hawk took her chin and made her face him again, transfixed to his hard gaze.

"You've always said it loud and clear, but your eyes don't tell the truth," Hawk for some reasons felt like he knew Cat very well and he knew that previously, she was just toying with his heart and that there's something far deeper intentions she was hiding. He wished he could just see through it but he was left with nothing at all.

"Was it not enough that I wanted to be yours?" Simione was totally lost as to what was happening and her words then were all just nonsense. She did want to be his woman but not like this, not when she wasn't being honest with him and not when she was hiding away the real her,  afraid that if he'll find out the truth, she had to suffer the wrath of a Monsanto. Lucy had seriously warned her not to cross this part, not to get into Hawk Monsanto's life and be always definite on her boundaries but today, she broke the line and she was very afraid any moment from now, all will break loose.

Hawk's face then was inscrutable that Simione couldn't imagine what was running in his mind then and for once she feared the things that Hawk could do to her when the time comes. He was a Monsanto afterall, and she was sure that the payment for her sins against him was something even her life wouldn't match for a price. He might end up killing her and ruin what's left of her for good, probably more than the Han's did.

"You know very well that it's not enough," Hawk's eyes become more protruding this time that Simione felt he can already see her soul. "You told me to pay the price, I am now willing to pay the price. I can give up Feather for you and start over. That's how serious I am with this Cat. How about you mi amore? Can you pay me the price of being my woman?"

Simione felt like something was stuck in her mouth but she managed to ask, shaking. "What is your price?"

"Your honesty," Hawk named it and Simione could only quiet at such a demand. Can he take off her mask and let him see the real her?

"I want to know you, Cat. Not that it matters because I know I love you very much I can overlook anything but I want to make things right for you and only with your honestly can we make this all work,"

Everything just fell away in Simione's heart and the very first thing that struck her when Hawk bid his prince was guilt. When she planned the Feather Project, Hawk Monsanto was just a passive character she and Lucy just wanted to play with and it was very easy for her to do that because she doesn't know him. Her descriptions of him all came from what Lucy knew and she never did ever once imagine that Hawk Monsanto was more than all that those that had been said about him. 

Yes, Hawk did manage to break her heart once or twice, but it wasn't as shameful and sinful as the things she did. She used him, she played on him and worse, she had made him fall in love with the character she portrayed that doesn't exist in real life.

  The Cat that Hawk knew all this time—the woman who danced in her engagement party, the one who danced on the fountain, the one he dated with—was a woman she only portrayed to get his attention and turn him from Feather. She was not real.

Now that Hawk was demanding the truth, can she tell him that the woman that he had fallen in love with wasn't real? And that she was just pretending all these times?

Simione's thoughts jerked back to reality when she felt Hawk's tender lips on her head. She had gone quiet and tense for minutes that made Hawk guilty for asking. He thought what he had been asking was too much and so he didn't want to bother the girl desperately. 

"You don't really have to give me any answer right away," Hawk told her. "I know things might be hard on your side. It even took me quite a long time to decide on this and I perfectly understand if you can't give me an answer now. I can wait for it, I will for it,"

"Thank you," Simione was deeply relieved and was really grateful at his thoughtfulness because indeed her dilemma wasn't something all easy to decide on. She needed to think about it, she had to weigh things over because she wasn't only dealing with Feather Han now, Hawk Monsanto was already dragged into the foolishness she started.

Hawk rolled to Simione's side but didn't completely let go of the girl. Instead he made her face him and pressed her head to his chest for comfort and warmth. The girl caught the smell of his masculine scent and she relaxed into it. How odd could it be that the man who can make her mind splatter like a mess was the same man who can ease up her head. 

"I'm sorry," Cat said under her breath knowing that she had done something totally disheartening tonight. 

"It's okay mi amore. I told you I can wait," Hawk assured her and caressed her hair. "It's just right anyway. Just think of my waiting as part of the courting process. Don't normal couples go through that?"

"Courting does not include hugging naked," Simione stated and this broke Hawk into some little laughs, firing off all the tension between them that was left. Very amused at the woman in his arms, he started planting kisses on her again.

"And kissing," Simione added to her previous statement when Hawk's kisses became intense. 

"Alright," Hawk gave up and just stared to her honey-colored eyes. For some reason he felt very relaxed now that he had confessed to her. It was like all the predicament, confusion, loneliness and fatigue he felt over the weeks that made him retreat to Comis village evaporated in through the thin air in an instant. Even when she didn't give him her yes yet, he felt genuinely happy then.

"Can you at least tell me your name mi amore?" Hawk asked, hoping she could start opening up. "I don't need a real name. Just something that is yours. Something that people close to you calls you,"

"Sisi," Simione gave away. "My love ones call me Sisi,"

"Sisi," For some reason, Hawk smiled at it. "My Sisi, I love you,"

Then, he kissed Simione again, for a long time that night.