There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

Chapter 131: Ghoulish Intentions

Chapter 131: Ghoulish Intentions

“You brought it on yourself,” Zane said, having no sympathy for the woman at his side. He downed another mug of the local brew, wincing at the kick. The woman huffed as she devoured her fourth plate of meat, still removing parasitic seedpods and cursed splinters of a thousand agonies out of her arms.

“Sure, but did she have to fill my lungs with ants? I can still feel them in there,” Perhal complained, hacking up one of the venomous breeds as she spoke. The tavern owner didn’t look happy but they were still paying customers.

“You ate her family,” Zane was unmoved by her plight. Perhal smiled at the memory.

“That I did, but to be fair. They weren’t innocent tree folk. That tribe was dangerous, and at the rate they were spreading, that forest was dangerous or something,” Perhal said, waving her hand to show that the details hadn’t mattered enough for her to remember them.

“And you tried diplomacy first... right?” Zane said, a knowing look about his face.

“I got as far as ‘Aren’t you scrumptious looking’ and the rest is sort of hazy,” Perhal agreed. Zane shook his shaggy mane with a sigh.

“Look around Perhal, this is where we would have ended up if we didn’t bend the knee. Tottering around like old-timers. Not sure if this place is hell or paradise. So much trouble in one place,” he grinned.

“Not so quiet now. You taste that mana?” Perhal commented as she cleaned the meat bone of all substances before crunching the bone itself like a snack.

“I feel it on my skin. I’m more a touch-base rather than a taster,” Zane reminded before he shook his head with his nose wrinkled.

“Tasters are weird... how do you even sense Mana through your tongue?” he asked his companion. Perhal thought about it.

“You eat a lot of rich things then the tongue knows... Touch users are the most common anyway, Zane. Don’t act so special. You got hit in the head with a spell or touched some old thing and peed yourself,” Perhal said with a gleam to her eyes.

“Could be worse,” Zane pointed out. Perhal nodded slowly.

“Could be a scenter...” she agreed.

They both took a moment to think of the requirement it would take to activate the mana-gland in one’s nose and shuddered.

True madmen, those kinds were.

---

Haldi inhaled his new cheese with delight. The new creation was a complex mixture of manticore milk and herbs being cooked 1 minute before afternoon.

It didn’t do anything, but the taste was good! The smell was eye-watering and made Haldi curl his toes with joy. The village was going to be swarmed soon and Haldi had to make sure he’d fleece every single one of them for all their cash.

The village needed a hut to be constructed or was it a blacksmith?

Haldi looked out the window and wished Durence Village didn’t jump between having this many buildings one day and that many the next. The town was almost alive due to the sheer amount of stories living in it and it was a dramatic gal, changing outfits every so often.

It became a pain to find the bakery or Mila’s house... but now with the Mana? Exotic things were just popping into existence.

Benches dedicated to Lich Bats.

Statues of giant chickens destroying some rotisserie food market.

Once, an entire card shop appeared, devoid of any owners and was gone the next, leaving only some playing cards behind. The nice boy, Grim, kept them proclaiming them to be messages, but what a bloody red ace and a coffee-drinking joker spoke about, Haldi hadn’t the faintest clue.

Really, some of the space was free real estate at times, only for your perfect villa to end up on the edge of the village with the pigpen for a week.

Haldi guessed the village needed... a quest board.

The word soured his mouth, but there was nought for it. Adventurers with no oversight bred plotlines and those things could infest a house for years. They just cluttered one’s home up with impatient vibes of ‘something must be done’.

The people of Durence didn’t have time for those things anymore.

Nobody had time for that.

---

Delta found Nu attempting to scream some mushroom out of existence. It was some yellow mushroom that looked like a strawberry in texture.

She blinked once as she examined it deeply.

Tongue Twister:

A harmless mushroom that if devoured will cause one to speak in tongue twisters for some time.

It seemed more like Nu wanted something else, but the mushroom honestly looked a lot of fun! She could already sense Fera making new drinks from it!

Other than that...

Delta gasped when she saw two mini-Boarys trying to appear as threatening as they could with tiny stubby tusks and bristly manes.

“I can literally die! Look how strong and powerful you are!” Delta cooed, causing the piglets to puff up with pride, swishing their tails.

“Release me. I am not only tainted... I am doomed by your habits,” Nu whispered, hanging his screen for some executioner to have at it. Delta looked up from where one of the piglets had fallen over and was stuck on its back, big rubbable belly exposed.

“I think you did great?” Delta offered with a kind smile. Nu only sank deeper into despair at this.

Ah, he was being like this again.

Delta stood up and gave the sight of the Piglets patrolling around the snoozing Boary with utmost seriousness one last smile before she floated over to Nu.

“I know what you want and you want me to do it so you can not be blamed,” she offered, leaning on a mushroom cap with the air of someone who was an old hand at the game now.

Nu only turned to look at her slightly.

Delta nodded sagely.

“Come, my homicidal duckling. I, Delta, will do what I do best,” she said with a formal tone and hummed as she floated off.

Her destination was a quick check to both Fran’s boss room and Maestro’s secret base.

Fran was drinking the new cocktail Fera made as Bacon watched with interest. The bubbling ‘Twisty Knickers’ was bright red when poured. When Fran put the glass down, his usual tone of politeness and deep authority seemed to be slightly higher.

“Fuzzy Wuzzy was a pig. Fuzzy Wuzzy wore a wig. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he?” he announced so fast that his tongue was a blur and Bacon looked alarmed, checking his shaggy self for missing patches.

Fera eyed the drink critically.

“Needs more Hotspring water,” she announced.

Delta shook her head, happy that ‘dull’ just didn’t exist in her Dungeon. Fran’s boss room didn’t have any new options in his menu. Most of it was for slight environmental changes, but nothing she couldn’t discuss with Fran later.

It seemed either Sis or some part of Delta was... happy with Fran. He didn’t need gimmicks or something else.

He enjoyed his fights, what little he had. Minions or some environment thing would just upset his honour.

Maestro...

“Then shimmy those hips,” Maestro instructed and Quee did so, moving his spider butt with awkward movements as the dark gentleman watched from his throne.

“Very good! Now, when leaving the stage, one must always look like they graced the very room with joy and light!” Maestro announced as he moved forward, leaning on his cane.

“We use the spray method!” Maestro instructed, putting one hand up and shaking it.

“Pretend you’re shaking a bottle of ‘Wyinn De Pain’. First, you spray,” Maestro shook his hand again.

“Then wait for a second...” he added then strutted through the space with a stance that spoke of being a star.

“Then walk away! Your back is a piece of art, don’t ever be afraid to enlighten haters with real art!” Maestro announced to the enthusiastically watching Quee.

Delta didn’t interrupt, but just opened Maestro’s menu for a quick check.

Secret Maestro Room

A large cavern filled with a stone pyramid, on top of which Maestro performs his show. To see one in person is to die for.

Pyramid rotates with different sections going the opposite way. 10 DP

Random mushrooms drop from the ceiling. Cost 25 DP

Starlight Mushrooms create a weak laser show to distract foes. 10 DP

Maestro music causes Memetic earworms, infect people even if they leave, haunting them day in and out until they eventually- Error. Redacted. Removed. Apologies.

Maestro’s Album is now made of rare materials and is worth something. 15 DP.

Delta raised a brow at the redacted option but smiled as she purchased the options. Watching as Maestro and Quee gave screams of delight as their stage came to life, spinning dizzyingly.

Since Maestro slightly hovered, lifted by his head roots, he didn’t spin. Making the upgrade more unfair than at first glance.

“Now this is art, baby!” Maestro pointed his cane at Delta, showing he had been aware she was there the whole time.

Impressive... not really changing the game since I have yet to see Maestro go all out... combat-wise.

Nu was ever the sourpuss.

“Patience, ye of little faith,” Delta insisted and sent them both... to the second floor.

Any more upgrades on floor 1 would scream of favouritism.

Delta didn’t have favourites...

Except for the piglets.

Delta definitely liked them.

---

Great changes were coming. Devina opened one eye, her deep trance within the fountains of the Frog Spawn cleansing her.

“You sensed it too?” Gramps asked, the chieftain among them wise to all ways.

“The trees rustle, the flowers sway... Bob keens. Delta is coming,” Devina announced with great flair.

“There is much to do,” Gramps said, sighing with a hint of assurance. Delta the mother only brought good.

Chaotic good, but good nonetheless.

“Better hop to it!” Inchy the orange bird said, swooping down to land on Devina’s head.

Perhaps... not all of mother’s creations were holy. Some were quite decidedly a curse upon existence.

---

Delta stretched above the jungle with a tremble that travelled down her back. She sighed as something popped. She had no idea how something popped but it felt great.

Something about doing stretches above the jungle with the sunlight hitting the befuddling mists rising from the trees was just therapeutic. She turned and floated off, Nu busy checking statistics and numbers, no doubt trying to predict the optimal amount of Pygmies to perform a world-ending ritual or something.

“I was thinking that the jungle has a base, but unlike the first floor, I haven’t really touched it up,” Delta announced as they floated above Bob’s waterfall pool.

Not that I disagree, but should we not be focusing hard on the third floor as we have a potentially undying enemy battering at our doors?

Nu’s screen turned to face her and Delta felt her attention split. Half assessing the waterfall, the other checking the spread of her Mana down the conquered hall. No enemies in sight and even the evil undead brat seemed to be licking her wounds for the moment.

“The third floor is... as terrible as it sounds for the moment, unstable. If the enemy rushes in and all is lost, I need both my first and second floor to be the last lines of defences. I’ve literally hit my monster limit on floor 3 already with two trolls, four guardgoyles, a book golem, a demon blacksmith, a bomber Kobold, and some additional Pygmies that I managed to wrangle by accident,” Delta counted and frowned.

“Thanks to Alpha, that’s less pressure, but Alpha will need to see real sunlight eventually,” Delta threw in.

Concerned about being spread too thin? I get that, but waffling about with no progress isn’t going to help anyone.

The menu was insistent today.

“Nu, I do have a plan,” Delta chided and that seemed to startle Nu who was quiet for a minute as Delta eyed the waterfall.

I can’t wait to see this...

The waterfall looked to be as Delta left it, a large mountain spire with snaking waters hitting the rockpool below, flowing over Bob’s deep lair and down into the jungle proper to form the river. Besides the secret cave at the back that no one actually used, the waterfall was for all purposes... decorative.

Delta was going to mix that up. If she found what she was looking for... even better.

Waterfall.

A large watching figure that can be heard even in the darkest corners of the Jungle. The bottom may look refreshing, but diving too deeply can be costly. Bobbing in this pool will reveal more than apples.

Allow a rain system to allow flash flooding of the river as an obstacle. Will cause Rale more work. 15 DP.

Reshape the top of the waterfall to be in the shape of a boar where each socket will have a brazier to cause the eyes to glow and smoke. 10 DP.

Allow the river to dry up to allow flooding of Third floor Garden. Once per day. If Bob’s key is used to open Wyin’s gate then this feature is disabled. 30 DP.

They weren’t bad options and the last one was especially tempting since if she could use it when her Dungeon was free of adventurers then it was basically a massive trap for any force that broke through the doors.

The weird mix of good and bad news was neither her Guardgoyles or the Undead would drown since one was made of stone and the other... usually didn’t have lungs. Still, Delta imagined stone flesh would fare best if smashed against walls or each other as a flood rushed down with the force that would be bone-crushing as it was.

Besides, this was only step one.

She purchased the decoration and the flooding trap, not really wanting to cause monsoon season in her Dungeon with the first upgrade.

The top of the waterfall groaned and rocks slid over each other loudly as the top reshaped itself into a form not too unlike Bacon above. Two jutting curved spikes emerged from a glaring round top with two black holes to give the illusion of eyes.

After a second, both eyes began to glow eerily as a light within burned.

At the same time, a dark void between floors formed right under where the pool basin emptied, showing where the water would be drained away to the third floor.

She shot off, regretting she didn’t have time to admire her handiwork.

Her Jungle was hitting so many tick boxes for a ‘lost monkey treasure’. Really, all she was missing was some dark and collected gentleman with a crow cloak and cane to walk about, talking to a camera that wasn’t there.

Delta would get there.

Renny’s circus was up next as she paused as a grand act of skeletons building themselves into a giant boney pyramid revealed itself to her as she floated through the flaps of the tent. Renny in his ringmaster uniform clapped his hands and the pyramid began to fall forward, bones shifting to turn from a straight edge into a sphere that began to roll over ramps.

Renny turned, his painted ‘eyes’ seeming to lift at her appearance.

“I know... it’s been a while,” Delta raised a hand as the bone ball collapsed into a pile with almost comical clattering and skulls landing nearby, only for them to jab and argue with each other on who literally lost their footing.

Renny tilted his head and Delta could almost hear him like he was speaking aloud.

“Not quite. Still issues, but I’m hoping you can help,” Delta admitted as the skeleton crew was sent away to clean their ribs and polish their skulls. Only the sleekest of bonemen were allowed in Renny’s circus after all.

Renny bowed and sat on a non-existent seat as if something was there... causing something to be there. Ringmaster or not... Renny was a mime at heart, it seemed. Delta smiled as she mimicked him, sitting in the ‘air’. Renny applauded without a sound, praising her poise.

First, she used the system in a way she didn’t really often do. A sort of descriptive dictionary for things that came into her Dungeon. It was mostly pointless because a sword was a sword and kids were pretty universal.

Delta didn’t need the baby Dungeon book on what concepts were. It did... however, have a general information bank on anything Delta had personally encountered. She couldn’t use it to learn about anyone that came into her Dungeon or as a global search engine. It’s a shame since it would be nice knowing more about the kingdom, the world in general... like if hotdogs were invented yet!

Ghouls:

A type of creature who feeds on the energy given off by death. Natural enemies of phantoms and skeletons who are amongst the weakest of undead. They often prowl graveyards for these foes, earning a bad reputation and the more idiotic often accuse Ghouls of being undead as well.

Delta smiled as Renny tilted his head again.

“Renny. I noticed your crew is a bit... bare-bones,” Delta said abruptly. Renny raised one finger at her wording then silently dropped it in defeat.

“Let me see what we can do about that,” Delta announced and opened his contract menu... her finger trailing down the list, her smile growing as she read.

Renny’s cheerful inkblot eyes mimicked blinking as she inhaled with a sharp intake of breath. Delta turned to him, opening her mouth to explain what was making her bounce in excitement. He leaned forward in anticip-

---

Doctor was not an idle Guardgoyle,between testing the volatile nature of Troll Soup and how the very stuff seemed to even make Gutrots slow to grow nearby... and guarding the garden as there were a few rooms left to conquer,

Doctor did not believe in idleness, too much to learn... too little to dissect or test unstable concoctions on. However, that was neither here nor there.

His entire schedule was put on hold as someone walked into the garden. A strange creature, but one of Delta’s... if only by deal. A contract.

Doctor only knew Jack as the other contract... they were truly interesting beings. A slow progression of free-will beings losing their soul to Delta, piece by piece until the entire thing was replaced by her Mana.

The process was fascinating and Delta didn’t even seem to be aware she was performing high-level soul magic on five different beings... at the same time... flawlessly.

It was a little intimidating if he was honest.

The closest example he could use to put it into perspective for Vanguard was as if Delta was replacing every gear and tiny cog in a clock without ever opening it up and so gently, the clock didn’t even notice.

Truly, if all Dungeons could do this... if they went wrong, the amount of damage they could inflict with contracts would be terrible. What would even happen to a soul if the Dungeon holding its contract went... wrong?

According to the books in the library... Abominations broke the rules, to a degree the world began to turn sickly. Their monsters lose shape and structure, their rooms begin to glitch into space renders that would twist a man into a bloody mist, and their contracts...

Doctor watched as the colourful ghoul walked to the secure door, eyeing it with its drawn on eyes.

It held a cane in one hand which now had a large orange sphere for a pommel, slightly cut to look like a skull. The inner light cast shadows over the ghoul who leaned on it with calm assurance of a being who did not fear death.

The ghoul was radiating energy that felt... mini-boss like, maybe more. The doors opened and phantoms tried to shriek out, some ambush left by the undead. They simply melted as the ghoul held up his new cane.

Their souls tried to flee back to their leader, but the ghoul latched on to them dragging them back like fish on hooks.

It became a tug of war between a dark purple bond and the ghoul’s energy. The clash caused the grass to wither and made the air become heavily tainted with death energy. Death energy felt like chocolate mint that was a bit stale. It was enough to give Doctor’s stony skin goosepebbles.

The ghoul won since it was in Delta’s territory, boosted by her Mana, and the souls were snapped free and held like two fireflies around the staff. The ghoul released them, having no interest in eternally tormenting their helpless souls.

There was a horrid wind that blew through the door as something powerful raged in the castle depths, angry at the ghoul for his actions. The ghoul merely inhaled as if the wind was delicious and his thin smile cracked up all along the sides to show his true mouth, a massive maw of black gums and drooling teeth.

“What’s he smelling?” Dozer asked, and Doctor could almost sing at the idea of what the ghoul was going to be bringing back in large quantities.

“Patients!” he cried, rushing off to see if he had enough makeshift beds and straps ready.