Casual Heroing

Chapter 180: Valarith

“Excuse me, can I ask what’s happening?” I try to talk to the hooded woman with as much respect as possible.

“You have an interesting relic on you. Almost as interesting as the soul inhabiting yours.”

I think she can see you.

She is supposed to be dead! How is she alive?! What’s happening?! WHY ISN’T SHE ON KOME?!

“Such questions will have an answer. But now, don’t you have something to prove to these miscreants?”

“Am I supposed just to say ‘yes,’ go on with the duels as if you hadn’t just killed two [Archmages] and the people on the stands weren’t trampling each other to escape and yet another [Archmage] looks like she wants to kill you?” I say all in one breath while pointing at the morbidly obese woman. I’m terrified that this might kill me even if Marcus didn’t.

“It would be enjoyable to talk more, but again, I must encourage you to continue your duels. I might have an opponent to pit against you after the Elves are done with their pathetic treachery.”

She turns to smile eerily at the obese woman, probably freezing her blood while casting some weird magic. And I’m not sure if that was just a metaphor or a factual statement. The obese woman moves her rattish eyes from Valarith to me with plain disgust written on the creases of her oily skin. After a good, long look and probably considering killing Valarith, she simply [Flies] away, back to the podium.

“Are you sure?”

And with that simple question, the hooded woman, Valarith, convinced the obese [Archmage] not to attack her. Not that I blame her. If the two corpses on the ground are any indication of what would have happened to her, it’s better not to risk it.

Look, now that I can better see her face, she’s actually… you know. It’s not like a simple scarred cheek can scare me off that much. Sexually speaking, that is. Magically speaking, I’m obviously shitting myself.

But there’s always that one question every time you see a member of the opposite sex through my eyes. It’s always the same. It’s probably deranged and sick, but…

Would I tap that?

I mean, taking a better look at the woman, I probably would. My standards are high only when talking about love prospects. And tapping is not really about love, now, is it?

She can read your thoughts, Joey. And I can as well. She’s a [Spatial Mage] or some variation of that, and she probably branched out into something weirder. She reeks of Souls. And that’s never a good sign. People who screw with souls are always mad.

“Or they are the Vanedenis, uncle.”

Uncle? Is this an Argentinian telenovela? Am I missing something?

She’s not my niece! We are centuries apart, Joey Luciani! Don’t you remember anything about the history I taught you?!

Not really?

“People, this is [Archmage] Antoniana! Stop! We will resume the duels! Whoever is ready to fight the Human is urged to go to the gates! Or simply get inside the arena!”

The obese woman amplifies her voice and, after a last look at Valarith, steps back to the shaded podium where the other four [Archmages] are sitting.

“Uhm, I might have a problem or two with what you are suggesting,” I tell the hooded woman. “I’m not really in the best mood to continue fighting, nor I can fight with…”

I slightly lift Lucinda’s body.

“I’ll take care of this misguided child and remove the geas that the lizard imposed on her.”

Honestly, I’m a bit reticent. Giving Lucinda to a person I barely know is not the wisest move. At the same time, if this woman wanted to do anything bad, she would have already killed me. Therefore, why not approach her? Before I can move more than a few steps, Lucinda’s body flies out of my arms and rests in the air next to the hooded woman.

“Are we even sure that someone will fight me after you went full-terminator on these—”josei

Before I can finish my sentence, the two corpses and their blood disappear from the arena’s soil. Again, very creepy. Also, a little hot given the smirk on the hooded woman’s face.

“Yeah, I guess that’s better?”

“Finish your thing, and I’ll bring my disciple to challenge you.”

Yeah, sure. Completely normal. All good. I’m not freaking out. This is just—peachy. All good. Cool-Cool-cool-cool-cool-cool. Tight. Perfect, even.

I sigh while the hooded woman disappears, and the arena slowly realizes that no one else will die. Probably.

“So, if that’s all,” I scream while enhancing my voice, “we could finish this here? I won?”

It wouldn’t be bad. It means I saved days of stupid fighting. Plus, after killing Adriana, who could be so stupid to think they had even the slightest chance of—

“Filthy worm!”

Here we go.

Ok, ten bucks it’s the guy who has a crush on Laura.

Sidenote, Laura’s going to be a rather thorny matter now, isn’t she?

“Yo, crazy, jealous non-boyfriend,” I say to the man entering the arena.

This whole Ancient Roman vibe is kind of ruined by the idiocy of the people living here, honestly. I could have had some very cool fights where no one really got hurt. Instead, things got very real, very fast. I mean, where’s the show that makes me into a famous, hot, and single bachelor – I think that single bachelor is redundant, but given the current state of things, it might be the most appropriate appellative for me.

”I CHALLENGE YOU TO THE DEATH!”

And just like that, the arena erupts into wild cheers. Apparently, the ultimate hero has entered the stage. The wicked Human will be slain, and finally, justice will triumph over evil.

But man, for real, if you think about it, why didn’t we just have a regular fight? If I had not had to risk my stupid life, I could have made [Advanced Light Lances] into any kind of element! How cool would that be?! Instead, I have to use the stupid invisible radiations literally to explode brain matter. I mean, not explode. It’s more like ablation.

“DO YOU ACCEPT, WORM?!”

“Wait, just to make sure before I do. Who are you, again? Some details on the background would help, too. See, my memory is quite bad. Thank you very much.”